I guess I've finally felt how lonliness really feels like to a person. I've been numb most of my life, I've never really felt that I needed company, and in effect when ever I tried to strike up conversations with my classmates, or just any old friend, there was a tension, something I can't describe. I've never really noticed it much, for I know I'm rather loud-mouthed (both figuratively and literally). However, I just realised it today.

Since I decided to start making friends, I've got on pretty well with people like Royce Lee, Joel, Ronald and some others. I've made a concious effort not to be such a jackass, to be more considerate of other's feelings. Then today, as I attempted to cheer up a fellow lonely friend, I realised how much the feeling of lonliness actually sucks.

Well, I guess it was just the line "who needs friends, anyway", that prompted me to write this post. After those many years of being called names, acting like an immature kid, and basically irritating everyone in my vicinity, and now that I'm making a serious change, it struck me hard how friends are so important to me.

Lonliness is always looking for a friend, it found me once and it has been around since then.
Lonliness is never waiting by the door, it sweeps right through, and it will never be ignored.

Those two lines, from "Lonliness Knows Me By Name" by Westlife, gave me a very strong impression of how lonliness affects people. And I understand the feeling. I've been through it too.

I'm making the change. I hope it works.
And don't feel depressed. Think positive.