As I said yesterday, I care. I care about everyone around me. But the harsh reality is that selfishness, hatred, and prejudices prevail. I've lived my life, knowing that I was disrupting the lives of others, my constant irritating-ness being the bane of the happiness of others. I had hoped to change it. But then I realised, that it was the people around me, that didn't accept me.

It's painfully obvious that people who were pissed by the old me, have not forgotten their prejudices. It's impossible to please them. In hindsight, maybe I took too long to mature. I don't know. Yes, the old me, tended to piss off everyone within a 50 meter radius of me. I just had that aura. In fact, I think I still do.

But, I'm beginning to confront the fact that people around me are too preoccupied with other things, are caught up in their own little worlds, and have no time for others. I guess it's a rather pessimistic point of view here, but it is to me more like the current trend of society. It's the unspeakable truth that with all the competition out there, with the need for those few pieces of paper, all the humanity in us might one day be gone.

I mean, we talk about sitting at a kopitiam 30 years down the road, drinking coffee and having a chat. But I just can't visualise a scene like that. Everyone around me has the capability to become a shooting star, get that degree, get a high-paying job, and earn the big bucks promised to them when they started on their path of learning.

Maybe I took too long to understand this. But then again, I don't want to lose the friendships I have made. No matter what I try to put into it, my years of talking through online conversations has left me with almost a nil EQ. I don't know how to approach people, I can't talk to others without thinking that I'm probably going to slip up here and there. I point out the flaws of others so bluntly, that it's no wonder that I'd get snubbed by people I try to talk to.

It's a scary world out there. The force that can just appear, to sever what bonds you had with others, the force that could break relationships, bring out that selfish streak in everyone, and basically cause a lot of pain that many feel, but don't want to think about it. We are all so caught up in the societal changes and in pursuing the ladder to success that we have forgotten what we really are.

We were meant to be humans. We were meant to have emotions. We were meant to love, protect, care, defend, lie, and hate. Somehow, the love, the protection, the care and all the rest have been filtered out. We live in a selfish world, one that in our attempts to adjust to, just to fit in, have forgotten the basic values of being human.

Why?