Really. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I just can't talk to people, I just stand or sit there silent while the others have conversations around me. Do I lack to ability to broach meaningless topics? Or do I just find that I don't need such conversations to sustain my own interest?
Quite frankly, I just cannot talk to people except a select few of my close friends. Why? And why do I get the evil pangs of jealousy nagging inside me when I see people effortlessly sliding into conversation with others? At the same time, why do I try to attract attention by being loud, uncouth, and a total ass?
Not to mention the fact that I take notice of details well, I frequently find myself in bitter moments as I see the person I like engaging others, and myself just an observer, a hanger-on.
Then, why do I feel that sense of self-pity and hurt when people choose not to sit next to me during lectures, tutorials, or even just stand next to me during morning assembly? Am I such a selfish and insecure person?
What is wrong with me - I'd rather someone just shoot me instead of carrying on this torturous cycle.
Just shoot me, now.