Walking on.

18

2008-10-02T18:35:00.003+08:00

18.
A number that signifies more than just legality in the purchase of alcohol. It also signifies the fact that I have to take my 'A' Levels in less than a month. Guess what? I'm not prepared for them. But forget it, let's look at the day I turned 18.
I was awake at midnight, up till 1am. Smses from Royce and a MSN convo with Jess was probably it. Woke up at 9, stoned around, got a few more smses from JJ, JunHan, then proceeded on towards Dhoby Ghaut for our LAN outing. Sad, I know. On the day I turned 18, I went to play computer games. A couple of replies to JoyceQ, XinNing, Eleanor and that pretty summed up what else I did other than play laggy Counter-Strike and Quake IV. Frankly, I really liked Quake IV. So fast paced, so chaotic, yet needing so much skill to play. I'm pretty good at the railgun, the 'HUMILIATION' Gauntlet (Melee weapon, undoubtedly too much practice in Team Fortress 2 with their somewhat overpowered melee weapons) as well as the shotgun. Though eventually I went to buy Josh's present with Jared, so we got him a really cute shirt. Hope he'll like it. Tomorrow's his birthday hmm.
In terms of gifts, only the people I met on Wednesday itself gave me a truckload of stuff I could put to great use. For example, two pairs of sneakerballs. A cap by And1, an wuxia novel, a portable speaker. Thanks, Aaron, Meiyi+Tong, and Roger :).

Haha I was re-reading it, and I thought i sounded very calculative and mercenary. Actually, the truth is that I want to acknowledge these friends for remembering that it's my birthday and wishing me, or even going out with me to do lame stuff together. Thanks, really. I don't know where would I be without some of you.

Lovely - Lux Aeterna

2008-09-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

life sucks

2008-08-28T22:19:00.002+08:00

No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I tell myself that I have to hold on, stop the force. I screw up all the time. Lose posession, air-ball, miss open shot, everything happens. Oh, not to mention I can't grab rebounds for nuts and I'm supposed to be an inside player.
My new shoes are hurting me, badly. Trying to walk is like having some lump pressing into your little toe and crushing it.
For GP I did the question on harmony in a diverse world. I theorised that harmony can be broken down to a few levels - peace & tolerance, acknowledgment and acceptance. Somehow, it looks like acceptance is so difficult to achieve. Peace & tolerance, well most people are like that. Beyond that, acknowledgment - respect, friendship. Then acceptance - treated with importance, close friendship. After a year and eight months, acceptance is still so far out of my reach. The people you wish would give you an affirmation, some encouragement, some help, just turn a blind eye towards your remonstrations, disregarding you. Why.

from the ballroom floor we are in celebration

2008-08-27T20:48:00.003+08:00

I'm not going to prom night. Brother's wedding on that same day.
Well, I really think that the line up there would define prom very well. As much as I'd like to define the current time period as a sun-soaked season that will soon fade away, the weather is giving me second thoughts. Not to mention the fact that I'll be seeing very little sun in the next two months or so.
But really, Raffles - you are indeed the best one of the best ones. Won't forget the Raffles experience and the life lessons. Not yet. Not now. Not forget the misery that was Junior College, and remember fondly the carefree days of the Institution.
So now as the seasons pull up their stakes, the last stretch is here - the last weekend of the last week (metaphorically).
Don't you just love the imagery of Stolen?

Well, life in JC hasn't been good. Stress, stress, and even more stress. Sometimes I wish I had more control in my life to do the things I want. Sure, I have a lot of control already compared to many, but many times I hate the dual life I have to lead - being able to screw around in school, while being under close supervision and constant pressure at home. I wonder if things were ever meant to be this hard?
Am I working through all of this, to go to Amherst and get my degree? Try as I may to convince myself this is the case, I just can't make myself believe that I'll even get into any university, or even have any direction in life. Yes, I'm one of those teenagers who want instant gratification, despite society frowning down upon such behaviour. What's wrong with instant gratification? At least I get to enjoy something. Along the same lines, I wish I could just turn on the computer to play a game or two of Dota every night, or even better, get a new computer with which I can actually play TF2. Even then, we're still limited by society - get that degree, get that job, get that pay, get married. Reality check - a couple of my ex-teachers recently welcomed bundles of joy into their families. Family life is what gratifies in the long run, and that's what I should be aiming towards.
However, why are we so hard pressed to conform? Imagine a society without conformity, does that result in anarchy? Liberty and freedom should encourage one's uniqueness and development of interests, not clamp down on it. Singaporean society, Confucian society, or what? Besides, why can't Man live in an anarchic society? Anarchism advocates the survival of the fittest. At the end of it, Hobbesian theory still holds true - each man is equal because even the weakest can launch a sneak attack that can kill the strongest. Look at Malaysia and the Anwar sodomy case. So just disregard authority, it isn't the answer. Authority does not have all-seeing eyes and all-hearing ears, neither is it able to know the exact truth and make judgments - in fact in most societies, Courts of Justice are based upon moral values that make up the laws. But a rejection of those laws do not mean that a society will fall apart - common sense prevails at some point for people to come together. So, why reject anarchism?

From wiki:
The word "anarchy" is often used by non-anarchists as a pejorative term, intended to connote a lack of control and a negatively chaotic environment. Because of this, some activists have self-identified as libertarian socialists. In more recent times anti-authoritarian has offered another similar self-identification. However, anarchists still argue that anarchy does not imply nihilism, anomie, or the total absence of rules, but rather an anti-authoritarian society that is based on the spontaneous order of free individuals in autonomous communities, operating on principles of mutual aid, voluntary association, and direct action.

Beautiful day

2008-08-26T19:27:00.000+08:00

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

Time wasting.

2008-08-21T23:21:00.000+08:00

A rap song: White and Nerdy
A song by Fergie: London Bridge
A vegetable: Kang kong.
A band: Dashboard Confessional
A flower: Tulip
A male name: Royce
A female name: Jessica
A stereotype: People who eat a lot are fat.
A cell phone provider: Singtel
A book: Long Day's Journey Into Night
An artist: Oh Chin Yang
A letter: X
A number: 63
An instrument: Drums
A website: www.teamfortress.com
A beverage: H-Two-O
A fast food chain: KFC
A restaurant: Botak Jones
A city in New York: Long Island
A city in California: San Francisco
A city in Florida: Miami

A song by Eminem: 8 Mile
A song by Fall Out Boy: Thks Fr Th Mmres
A song by Avril Lavigne: Sk8er Boy
A month: April
A day of the week: Thursday
A fruit: Durian
A body part: Tricep
A piercing: NIL
A movie: The Dark Knight
A car: Humvee
A country: The USA
A friend: Royce Yap
A school subject: History
A colour: Red
A job: Teacher
An eye color: Blue
A sport: Basketball
A holiday: National Day
A dance: Robot Dance
A religion: Christianity
A computer brand: Hewlett - Packard
A TV show: Barclays Premier League

1.When was the last time you saw the 5th person on your top? I have no idea what's a "top".
2. How much older than you was the last person you kissed? Uh. I don't kiss.
4. What is in your purse/backpack right now? No purse, no backpack. Duffel? - 2 P.E. Shirts, 1 P.E. Shorts, 1 Underwear, 1 Graphic Calculator, 1 Ball Pump, 2 Tennis Balls, 1 Pencilcase, 1 Facial Wash, 1 Shower Foam, 1 Deodorant, 1 Audio Cable, 20 Rubberbands.
6. Wallpaper on your cell phone? Wandering Monster card from The Good, The Bad & The Munchkin deck.
7. Next time you will kiss someone? When I ever get attached.
8. Where was your default picture taken? MSN DP - Beijing Olympics Basketball Logo 2008
10. Who was your last text from? Aaron
11. What's the most interesting thing that happened today? Scored two three-points in a row.
12. What's your favorite number? 19
14. Does your crush like you back? No.
15. What is your current mood? Tired.
16. Last people you hung out with? Zach, Wankie, Linky, Nigel, Fernie, Mao, Oli, YongPromKing... Bball gang!
17. What color shirt are you wearing? White
18. Do you have a crazy side? I LURBS WANKIE
20. Ever had a near death experience? Yup.
21. What was the highlight of your week? Staying back in school till 8 to play ball.
22. Who's car were you in last? Wow. Uh... Dad's. Though the last time I actually rode in a car... a few weeks already.
23. What are you listening to? Jay Chou
24. Do you get along with girls? Not really?
26. Last movie you saw in theaters? The Dark Knight
27. Last thing you ate? KFC Cheese Fries
28. What was last thing you drank? water.
29. Are you happy right now? Definitely. Not.
30. Whats the last thing someone said to you? What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?
31. Where is your phone? On the table next to me.
32. What color is your hair? Black
35. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently? The A Levels and Prelims.
37. If you could have one thing right now what would it be? Application to Amherst College accepted.
39. Who makes you happiest right now? No one, really. I can't be happy.
40. What were you doing at midnight last night? Doing work.
42. What's for dinner tonight? KFC - 2 Piece Chicken Meal with Mountain Dew, change coleslaw to CHEESEFRIES.
43. What is the last thing you thought about? How much life sucks.
44. When is your birthday? 1st October.
46. When is the last time you were in a swimming pool? 2 years ago or even further back.
48. How do you feel about your hair right now? A bit short at the back, but otherwise fine.
51. Where does most of your family live? Tampines, flat. Sis in UK apartment.
52. Are you spoiled? Define, spoiled.
53. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up? I want to go back to sleep. Now.

The Dark Knight

2008-08-02T17:40:00.003+08:00

Within the past few weeks or so, the only thing of real interest that has happened was The Dark Knight. Watched it on Thursday, after lessons. The one thing that got to me was the pure venom in Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker. This might sound like any other of those reviews raving about his performance, but the one thing I'll give him credit for was the realistic nature of his performance. Face it, the guy seems crazy. Note the careful usage of the word seems. The Joker in The Dark Knight is not crazy. He is nothing close to what an insane person is. On the contrary, he is saner and a whole lot smarter than anyone of us. He plans. Whatever he might say, about chaos and anarchy and upsetting the established order, he plans. He planned everything. He is such a firm believer in anarchy that he has become 'insane' to us. We who respect rules, and live by them, are mortified by his concept of 'living without rules' as the 'only way to live in this world'. That is why we think he is insane. However, it is merely because his own concept of the world is one where man lives freely, the democracy which cannot exist: the true state of every man for himself - anarchy. This is why The Joker is able to survive so well: he is conditioned for survival, and to propagate anarchy. Think about it - he wears make up to act clown-like, not because he looks that way to begin with. This version of The Joker makes you believe that he is just as human as all of us, but his beliefs make him the polar opposite of the anti-hero Batman. This creates the impression further that he chooses what he wants to be and thus in his trying to challenge the social order, he has pushed himself to madness yet retaining his rational behaviour. And I believe his rationality is best encapsulated in these lines - 'You just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.'

can't stand them

2008-07-16T19:37:00.003+08:00

One by one, they're pissing me off. Sure I might be wrong to you, but the least you could do is explain, not give me some half-baked rhetoric and expect me to accept that as a proper viewpoint.

How earnestly I await the day I don't have to meet them again. Looking forward to November 19.

Toodles

2008-07-14T20:21:00.002+08:00

I'm frankly dying of nothing to do. Ok, there is mugging, but I can't bring myself to face all those notes I have. Sigh. I think I'm going to foam and die for prelims, even more so A levels. GRAH.

Toodlynoodlydoodlyboodlyhoodlymoodly. CCDES Improvement, somewhat.

hmm

2008-07-09T23:26:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wonder if people detect the fallacies in their own statements, or their self-contradictory nature.

"I'm not going to say anything more and just wait for the rest of the results. But do you understand what I mean?"

Seriously

2008-07-02T22:39:00.002+08:00

I can't play. I can't go out. I can't even read my Chinese Wuxia novels. Seriously, am I really going to be eighteen in a few months time or am I dreaming, and am only eight. What is wrong with me playing. If I have finished my work (first time in eons I actually finished my work), the answer is always no. And there is the invariable reference to YOU PROMISED ME AT BLAH BLAHBLAH THAT YOU WOULD NOT PLAY ANYMORE. Well. Why don't you try telling me you won't watch any TV for a whole year. Same idea? I think so. You claim I'm very rushed when I want to use the computer. Who raises her voice at someone else when she misses 3 minutes of her show? The reasoning? I have A Levels. Sure, I know the A Levels are coming.
Seriously.

SPAIN

2008-06-30T18:47:00.002+08:00

Spain. Win. Euro08. Deserved. Extremely pleasurable.
SPAIN ROCKS YES.
Currently dying of lack of sleep. But it was worth it. Spain was worth it.
Lit week is here.
Cheesecakes going to be on sale soon. I hope people bite.
Please. D:

Life is tough

2008-06-24T17:33:00.002+08:00

You know life is tough when you think you'll score more for math than lit and you're an arts student.
Seriously. Math was quite okay, but Lit was seriously just Stop and Stare the moment I picked up the question paper. Gay questions. Hope my answer was gay enough to match the level of gayness.
Then looking at econs. Another Stop and Stare paper. WTF? BUDGET 08? Oh please.
ARRRGH. CTs are rubbish.

German efficiency

2008-06-20T20:30:00.002+08:00

Never write of the Germans. Impressive quote from Mr. Kung. Indeed, yesterday's match was impressive, as the German soccer team showed how they mastered the basics - crossing in dead-ball situations, moving clear of markers, and fast and quick passing to draw off defenders. Masterful goals, really. Compare the effectiveness of the cross from a free-kick versus the speculative shots that Portugal, especially C.Ron, made. That mere difference in playing as a team is all that matters. Ballack scored, with his head, not with the foot that brought them into the quarters with that excellent free-kick. But the difference? Schweinstiger was around this game to make that difference as playmaker, as the center of the team.
Though if Portugal and Germany took all the chances that they each made, Portugal would have won. The issue of spurned chances will no doubt be an issue with other teams as well - kneeing the ball over the net is just no high five. Perhaps, this is just a reminder that Portugal isn't as good as we think they are - they lack a clinical frontman, and they put too much emphasis on players who are supposedly the best in the world. I figure that if you were the best in the world, the least you could do would be playing consistently with above average form, not just flashes of inspiration. All that hype about the world's best player always seems to be just hot air, doesn't it? So much for Ronaldinho, so much for the real Ronaldo. And so much for the Portuguese who can't make up his mind between England and Spain. The Portuguese were supposedly the 'Brazil' of Europe. Yes, they had some form of the Samba, they had good playmakers. But Brazil, unlike them, has a whole squad of talented players who are able to lift their team. At the same time, Brazil also plays a team game - they have unselfish players who would pass the ball - the same way Torres passed to Villa for the opening goal against Russia. On the other hand, the Portuguese team of yesterday was just slamming long shot after long shot - Nani, Ronaldo, Raul Meireles.

Chalet

2008-06-17T18:24:00.002+08:00

Tired tired tired tired tired.
Sigh. Barbecuing is fun but tiring. :) cooking is just as fun, but ice cream soda chicken just doesn't cut it, I believe. Never mind, at least I didn't play a single card game :) Just watching is enough, I guess. Anyway, I will say that carom is only fun on the wooden board with the accompanying striker and wooden pieces , and that travel sets made of full plastic are really cmi. I also have to say that frisbees are not easy to throw at all.
But, I did get kicked on the head after stupidly lying curled up in front of the bed and using the mattress as a pillow. Haha. :P I missed not having a Milo Dinosaur though. Oh well. Another time! Like after CT II x_x Kinda gonna die for CT already, so much to mug.
Hmm. What else do I remember about the chalet? THe same movies (Fearless, MIB II and Rush Hour 3) being screened over and over, the over-emphasis on cards and lame things, the mugger's room that became a hyper-singer's room, and yes, the otah-eating cat.

Appreciating the song Elevation by U2

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here
At the corner of your lips
As the orbit of your hips
Eclipse,
You elevate my soul.

Euro 08

2008-06-14T19:38:00.002+08:00

Spain for the win.
They're one of the three teams of the tournament worth supporting: the other two are Portugal and the Netherlands. I predict a final between Portugal and Spain, but nothing's ever confirmed. At least my papers end early enough for me to catch the second semi-final (Grp C and Grp D), and of course, the finals! I'll bet most of the guys will be half asleep in school on the Monday (Singapore time) morning that the finals will be played. But it's worth it! More importantly, have to ask a few people over to my place to stay over to watch the finals, then go to school together in the morning :D
Looking at the emails spamming my inbox from the wushu e-group, I'm quite freaked out by the amount of planning that's going into a simple 1 night chalet. Stuff like emo-stargazing at 3am, and the like is really quite, well, rigid, nothing like what a chalet should be: free and easy. What's more, reporting attire?!

Come on guys.

Camperama

2008-06-08T19:43:00.002+08:00

Super tired from camperama, I didn't sleep much.
Quite frankly I have a million things to criticise, but on account that everything dried the next day pretty fast, and we managed to pull off everything without any major screwups, I'm actually quite happy that it's over and everyone (with exception of those who had to stay there throughout Day 0 and the rain on Day 1 before opening camp).

Just felt really dirty from the whole camp. Sigh. Sai gang warriors, that's what Scouts are. And Rafflesians. Go for it.

Every glance is killing me

2008-06-03T20:37:00.002+08:00

Still addicted to Stop and Stare.
Really meaningful song, for the lost and the damned.
On another note, I've come to believe that the only subject I actually have any chance of getting higher than a C in would be Maths, my worst subject. I just can't master the technique of analysis that the teachers always talk about. Urgh. And besides, I'm all the more convinced that the more I work, the worse my results. Evidenced by my dismal results in CT1, and more recently my Lit essays. I rushed one essay for the sake of handing it up, and got a C minus. The other essay which I spent 3 nights on, twice as long, and even with a outline to boot, got a D.
I have no idea what is wrong.

Beautiful Day

2008-06-01T16:52:00.002+08:00

It's the best song from U2, in my humble opinion.
I just realised how good they are as a band, though I frankly believe that the songs they churned out from the past are greatly better than those they produce now. With Or Without You, Beautiful Day, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Pride (In The Name Of Love) etc. will beat Vertigo or The Saints Are Coming anyday.

I mean it. :D

Prince Caspian

2008-05-30T23:39:00.004+08:00

I really dislike plots that weave in deus ex machinas. The movie I watched today, Prince Caspian, had three examples of these deus ex machinas.
*spoiler alert, please do not read if you have not and intend to watch the movie*
The whole movie, especially Lucy, hinted at the demi-god powers of Aslan throughout: how he appeared from nowhere, how he can give premonitions and manipulate magic and still be alive after a thousand and three hundred years. His powers manifested in two other deus ex machinas - a scene reminiscent of Fangorn (from Middle Earth) with the trees 'awakening', the only real difference is that they attack with their roots and bear no resemblance to bipeds. Even worse, I thought, was the creation of some water elemental of sorts by Aslan's roar. The fact that the river forms a water being that can lift up a bridge as though the water has turned solid-like or something, though attributed to magic, is just another manifestation of C.S. Lewis's uncreative maneuvers to bring a happy ending by invoking such indestructible elements - which clearly shows how he is unable to invoke twists in the plot to create the ending.
*spoilers end here*
On the other hand, the movie was not bad, plenty of laughs and all. Particularly liked some battle scenes, though I thought the concept of heroism was over-played and with too little emphasis on the Narnians themselves. On the other hand, I particularly like the strategy the Narnians employed to take out the calvary. Yup, intersting.
Thanks again for the stainless steel flask, dear!

Reading

2008-05-28T17:46:00.002+08:00

Ever since I got that list, I've been reading and wikipediaing a lot more educational stuff recently. More than halfway through 1984, and I already see how it resembles Singapore so much in the past. Big Brother was watching then, and he still is watching now. Of course extreme measures like telescreens and the thought police do not exist, but I don't really see the concept of the novel being on the dystopian extreme of the societal spectrum.
Frankly, oligarchy is a mirror of Stalin's reign in Soviet Russia, but at the same time, politically speaking it makes a lot of sense in establishing cults of personality to enforce nationalism around a 'leader'. While no doubt Orwell was mocking the lack of personal freedom under Socialism, his novel takes this lack of freedom to a new extreme: the all pervasive thought police and telescreens remind us that this circumstance is a possibility in today's society. While my relatively western concepts of freedom scream aghast at the society depicted in the book, I think that this situation would be a way of encouraging social unity and the promulgation of a warped 'aristocracy' to control the population - the smart people at the top of the governing body. I mean it in the way that the regulation of freedom and ideology would create the situation where people are ignorant of their circumstances and are happy living their lives, without the need to express belief or indignation at whatever issue they may deem to be unfavourable. This constant challenge of authority is something that creates political and social unrest, which is far from utopia, isn't it?
Reminds us of something known as that 'Little Red Dot', doesn't it? What with the concern over political apathy and all. But really, we don't really care because we're happier off not knowing. Sounds like an elitist thing to say, but I frankly thing a politically and ideologically apathetic or ignorant person is always happier. Think about it, how many of us care that MM Lee just called Chee Soon Juan a near-psychopath? And why is it that if Chee Soon Juan was to counter-sue MM Lee for defamation for the use of those terms, he wouldn't win anyway? I really love our judicial system, don't you?

The more important issue to me at this point is agreeing with Dr. Catherine Lim's letter to the forum today. Why do you penalise everyone, from the Gurkha guards up to the superintendent of the detention center, but not a single bigshot gets it? Quite frankly Wong Kan Seng deserves the sack, not just because he is the Cabinet Minister involved and the amount of damage it has done to our reputation, but also because the government should not be hypocritical and do what the MOE tells us students to do: lead by example. You cannot expect your underlings to take the blame for your own incompetency and still be respected as a leader. I'd really like to see how much the support for the PAP has dropped by now, i.e. from that 'strong mandate' of 66% which is quite frankly rubbish.
Let sleeping dogs lie. Let the PAP continue imagining it's as great as it think it is.

Song quiz de w0rx

2008-05-27T19:41:00.002+08:00

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
Indeed, someone has stolen my heart.

Will you get far in life?
Walking Away - Craig David
... I'm walking away, far far away then.

How do your friends see you?
Sleeping Child - Michael Learns To Rock
Of course. Most of my classmates ever only see me asleep :D

Will you get married?
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Yup, if I'm married, I'm definitely yours.

What is your best friend’s theme song?
High - Lighthouse Family
Haha. They are indeed high all the time.

What is the story of your life?
Allstar - Smashmouth
I highly doubt this, really. I'm nowhere near a star, much less an AllStar.

What was high school like?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
Definitely. Breakaway from tradition, breakaway from social life, breakaway from everyone else.

How’s your life going?
Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C
Haha. Headed for graduation in a little more than half a year.

How can you get ahead in life?
Maybe - Enrique Iglesias
... Maybe I'll get ahead? This is no high five =.="

What’s the best thing about your friends?
You'll Never Walk Alone - Liverpool Fans
YES. We'll all never walk alone, not when we have our friends with us.

What song will they play at your funeral?
Kiss Goodbye - Wang Li Hom
Yup, kiss me goodbye and miss me.

How does the world see you?
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Nice. I'm hardly optimistic.

Will you have a happy life?
Dreaming of You - Selena
Unfortunately not eh. But it's the truth. We're always dreaming of the happy life that we would one day come to live, but never get to it.

Do people secretly lust after you?
Affirmation - Savage Garden
Woot. It has been affirmed.

How can you make yourself happy?
Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
Yes the obvious choice is to now go out into the world and start owning stuff. Hulk angry! Hulk smash! Oh with some pyro skills as well I guess.

What should you do with your life?
Rockstar - Nickelback
... Become a rockstar? Doesn't S.L.A.P. (sound like a plan)

What song would you strip to?
She Bangs - Ricky Martin
Hmm. Well, whadd'ya know. Stip to bang. Of course.

What does your mum think of you?
Look What You've Done - Jet
Haha. Confirm. Whole day I'm doing something wrong.

What is your deep, dark secret?
Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling For Soup
._. I'm chasing after a girl all the bad guys want? Interesting.

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
Yellow - Coldplay
Yellow he is. Too cowardly and dirty like some fellows out there, eh?

What’s your personality like?
Kan Wo 72 Bian (roughly translated into Watch My 72 Transformations) - Jolin
Haha. I'm very susceptible to mood swings I suppose.

What song will be played at your wedding?
You and Me - Lifehouse
Omg. A true-blue wedding song.

I dunno I was just bored. Koped off Zach's blog.
Tagging: Joy, Yiqing, Xinning, Nelle and you, who is reading this :D

Love this song

2008-05-25T21:50:00.001+08:00

Stop And Stare by OneRepublic

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need, what you need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see?

All the one-liners in this song match up so well with the music. And the voice that is both passionate and laidback at the same time. Love it. Though its the only song I like of their album...

Literature

2008-05-22T21:16:00.003+08:00

Grabbed off Yiqing's blog. Useful to show how good books are often unread, and how many good books you haven't read.
These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users (as of today, 30 September 2007). As usual, bold what you have read, italicise what you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment (Frankly this sounds like a spoof of one of Austen's novels)
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte's only novel, but I really don't fancy this kinda stuff)
The Silmarillion (I finished this, interestingly, but it definitely wasn't as good as the Lord of the Rings)
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote (I'm quite interested in farcial stuff, including how Quixotic is an adjective)
Moby Dick (I haven't read this yet, and I don't intend to because I don't like the whole thing about fishing for a whale...)
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey(Homer's epics are definitely worth a read, I've read the condensed prose forms, but one day I'll do the original versions! I presume this is not the novel...)
Pride and Prejudice* (It's my lit text -.- I don't have much of a choice as to whether I read it or not)
Jane Eyre (I've heard how good this is, but really, not interested xD)
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the Fates of Human Societies
War and Peace (It was good while it was lasted, but it lasted for too long.)
Vanity Fair (Another good book, I've heard, but I don't seem interested just by the title.)
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad (Refer to what I said about The Odyssey.)
Emma (Quite seriously I can't stand too much Austen, so, no.)
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations (I've never touched a Dickens novel in my life. I expect this to be the first.)
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha (My brother has this, but the genre unfazes me.)
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales (I have this book at home, never actually read it.)
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera (Supposedly really good, I will get down to it after A levels.)
Brave New World (~~George Orwell is good. But too much dark insight isn't.~~ Ok it's by Aldous Huxley. But still, don't think I'm reading it xD )
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein (Familiar title, but I gave up after a few chapters, found it very boring.)
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula (So slow and draggy that I gave up.)
A Clockwork Orange (I've always thought that this was overhyped, but a Wikipedia on it shows it to be quite interesting. Might read it.)
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984 (Again, George Orwell.)
~~Angels & Demons~~ (Unclassy language, hardly anything enticing beyond the pretty developed plot.)
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses (Given the number of bounties on Salman Rushdie's head, I think this is worth a read.)
Sense and Sensibility (I cannot stand too much Austen, seriously.)
The Picture of Dorian Gray (Pretty ok, but quite dark.)
Mansfield Park
One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles (I have this book at home too! Shall bring it to BMT to read or something.)
Oliver Twist
~~Gulliver's Travels~~* (UGH. Most boring literature book I've EVER done. Totally a waste of time, and extremely sleep-inducing.)
Les Misérables* (EXCELLENT novel by Victor Hugo. He did justice to the French. For once. xD I love the musical too.)
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (I believe this to be an overhyped piece of literature.)
Dune
The Prince (Given how thin this is, I'm quite surprised I never completed it, but then again I never believed in the methods of consolidating power Machiavelli belives in.)
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes : a memoir (The movie sucked. Based on that I wouldn't read this.
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces (Interestingly, it's quite good, funny, and a good laugh after all the dark reflective novels you often read.)
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita (seriously. -.-")
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey (WHAT IS UP WITH AUSTEN?!?)
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an Inquiry into Values
The Aeneid
Watership Down (Quite an enjoyable read, didn't see literary value in it though.)
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit* (Any Tolkien fan worth his salt would have read this.)
In Cold Blood : A True Account of a Multiple Murder and Its Consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island (Never read it, despite it's supposed classic nature.)
David Copperfield (Ditto above.)
The Three Musketeers (Ditto above again.)
Bastard out of Carolina

Sobs

2008-05-21T20:54:00.002+08:00

GP was crap.
All I have to look forward to is this Sunday - Tuesday, and next Friday.
*to the person going on next Friday - where'd you want to eat? It's at Dhoby Ghaut...*
Sigh. J2 is a whole lot more stressful than anything I've gone through before.
Why.
Like the compre passage from today - Is accomplishment everything in life?

Stop and stare.
Beautiful day.
One.
Crash and burn.
Affirmation.
I knew I loved you.
City of blinding lights.
Music is food for the soul, the mind, and the darkness that resides within everyone of us.

a week

2008-05-18T00:37:00.002+08:00

A week has gone by since I last posted.
Frankly, I don't have much to post about. Life is just dreary and boring as usual.

On the other hand, I thought Josh did really well in College Play. Frankly, Our Town isn't as great a play in my opinion as compared to things like A Long Day's Journey Into Night or something. Well I guess it has a lot of characters, something that would appeal to the really large Raffles Players. But on the other hand, I question the use of many of the characters, because they hardly even contribute, compared to plays like Othello where almost every character is useful (with exception the Clown, but that's like a running gag in all of Shakespeare's plays). But what am I to criticise? Josh did great as the Stage Manager and I like the concept of a play within a play - I definitely don't regret paying to watch it.

A shoutout to Florence Chow: I saw you! xD
A shoutout to Josh: Tell me if you ever want new music xD

Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

2008-05-11T13:03:00.004+08:00

The best thing about tonight is that we're not fighting,
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying,
I know you're wearing thin down to the core.

Hold your breath...
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,
Over again, don't make me change my mind.
I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true,
Because a girl like you is impossible to find,
You're impossible to find.

This is not what I intended,
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart.
You always thought that I was stronger,
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start.

But hold your breath,
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you -
Over again, don't make me change my mind.
Or I wont live to see another day, I swear it's true,
Because a girl like you is impossible to find.
It's impossible -

So breathe in so deep, breathe me in,
I'm yours to keep - and hold onto your words,
'cause talk is cheap -
And remember me tonight when you're asleep.

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you -
Over again, don't make me change my mind.
Or I wont live to see another day, I swear it's true,
Because a girl like you is impossible to find.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you -
Over again, don't make me change my mind,
Or I wont live to see another day, I swear it's true.
Because a girl like you is impossible to find,
You're impossible to find.

maybe it's best you leave me alone

2008-05-10T19:59:00.001+08:00

On this evening, I give the final blow.
It ends tonight. :D
Damn the song rocks. But yep, it has ended, it ends tonight. Not just the Premier League season.
Need to sleep more actually, the amount that I've been sleeping recently is just no deal. Then again, a lot of things are no deal.
I have to look for a college that offers international students scholarships. Unbonded ones. MOE Teaching scholarships suck.

movie

2008-05-04T22:57:00.002+08:00

Well, I watched The Forbidden Kingdom yesterday with Royce and Roger.
I really liked it. Not just because a goddess (Liu Yi Fei) is acting. And please, she is like ultimately gorgeous, she looks so pure.
It was a good movie with real humour, appealed to my wushu fantasies, and at the same time, a inside jokes took the show between the three of us. I mean, we were the only three people out of about 20 people in the cinema who were laughing incessantly. Who wouldn't get the joke about - My name is Jason Tripitakas. Or who wouldn't laugh when Jackie Chan says in his accented english, 'One mountain cannot hide two tigers?'. Or perhaps him randomly GANBEI-ing throughout the movie. Their literal translations were really humourous, particularly cause we're bilingual, I expect. I thought that the movie didn't deserve the low rating on Rotten Tomatoes, because I guess they took it too seriously just because they didn't get the humour behind a Chinese Hollywood movie. Every character was speaking in English, it was so humourous. A worthwhile watch, compared to Ironman, which I believe is overhyped.

On the other hand, I've been reading Ichigo 100% recently. It's a manga about teenagers and about this guy who gets all the girls despite his inability to understand and choose between them. While I admit that it's a guy manga, i.e. a lot of scenes of M-18 nature, but I kind of understand why the girls fall for him. He's a really damn nice guy, and is sincere in all his dealings. It's really interesting how a non-smart, non-sporty and non-handsome guy can do that. Hope for the masses? Haha. Not really but I'm kinda enjoying the plot, and not the fanservice scenes. :)

Shine, now here's your moment to shine

2008-04-30T22:19:00.004+08:00

Dark moods.
Life is just a mess of human intentions: hollow dreams, feverish attempts at success.
Cogito ergo sum.
I think, therefore I exist.
The words of Rene Descartes rankle me.
If you were to just disappear tomorrow, who would miss you?
What is your existence for? Why do you even exist?
Surely our existence is for something greater than the ability to breathe, eat, drink and sleep?
Even if we do think, does that make our existence justified?
What is existence without purpose?
If so, what is the purpose of existence?
Hollow dreams, feverish attempts at success?
I think not.
Ideals, emotions?
Perhaps.

speak less, do more.

2008-04-25T23:12:00.002+08:00

Had a couple of chats with royce and leonard lately. Discussing life, our own personal issues and self-improvement. It struck me deeply that what both of them say have a lot of weight, and that's because they prove what they mean through their actions, and not by a load of hot air. And I realise that that's what I have to change about myself. Stop talking so much, and actually do it. Prove to others that I mean what I say, so they won't take me for granted and as a joker who just likes to make himself heard.

The road of self-discovery and improvement is oft paved with many stumbling blocks. I guess its time to stop angsting and emoing about these stumbling blocks and actually do something to solve them for once. Perhaps it's more than just the reflection of my own actions and how I interact with others, but rather how I should change to be a better person - how I need to cultivate the proper social skills, how I need to learn to treat girls as friends instead of alien lifeforms, how I need to tone down my noise-making ability, my ability to spew unwanted and unneeded hot air, how I need to tone down my spastic behaviour.

Beyond that, I suppose I have to improve my outlook on life. Something that needs a radical change before I become a prophet for doomsday or something. With that comes the need to change my dark moods and how I show myself to be angsty or emo or depressed all the time. How I have to achieve a compromise between keeping to myself in a corner or making so much noise people get irritated by me.

Mervyn 2.0, coming soon.

Hmm

2008-04-20T00:38:00.002+08:00

Hmm. I haven't posted for a while. Maybe I just don't have much to talk about.
Damnit, I shall not angst about Wushu judges.

I'm falling back into that cycle of pain. Ugh stop now. Don't look or do anything.
Don't even think.
Stop before the brink of self-destruction.

Let the thoughts of crashing into others while playing basketball fill your mind.
Consider the heat of the moment as you play under the basket.
Imagine yourself using all your bulk to push against the opposing inside player.
Fantasize yourself succeeding in gaining space and pulling off the shot.
Don't think. Don't bring the ball down low to protect it.
Just do it. Use aggression, strength and bulk. Go straight for the basket.

Muzik

2008-04-12T22:59:00.006+08:00

1. Put your playlist on random!
2. Type out the first line of the first 15 songs you hit. DON'T CHEAT EVEN IF THE SONG IS EMBARRASSING YOU HAVE TO USE IT.
3. Strike it out once people have guessed the song title and artist.

Try to guess, my songs are pretty common :O. I skipped chinese songs, I'm too lazy to type the lyrics out.
~~1. you sat there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy~~ When You Were Young - The Killers (Jared)
2. she's blood, flesh and bone, no tucks or silicone (erm... this sounds really weird)
~~3. step one, you say we need to talk, he walks~~ How To Save A Life - The Fray (Jared)
~~4. where is the moment we needed the most?~~ Bad Day - Daniel Powter (Jared)
5. load up on guns, bring your friends
~~6. time, i've been passing time watching trains go by.~~ It Might Be You - Steven Bishop (Nellyelle)
~~7. wake up kid, we've got the dreamer's disease~~ You Get What You Give - The New Radicals (Nellyelle)
~~8. every time our eyes meet, this feeling inside me~~ Amazed - Lonestar (Nellyelle)
9. the faster were falling, were stopping and stalling
10. when you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
~~11. i sit and wait, does an angel contemplate my fate?~~ Angels - Robbie Williams (OS)
~~12. i can't sleep, i just can't breathe~~ Miss You - Westlife (Yiqing)
~~13. shadows fill an empty heart, as love is fading~~ What About Now - Daughtry (Nellyelle)
~~14. honey why're you calling me so late?~~ Lips of an Angel - Hinder (Jared)
15. sorry, is all that you can say?

bad day

2008-04-11T16:47:00.008+08:00

Today has been a really crappy day for me.
First I found out that I was the person in A01C who got the D for Lit.
Then I found out that I was one of the few in RJC who got B for Project Work.
Later I found out that going all the way down to the Central Manpower Base had been a waste of time because they rescheduled my medical to next Friday at 9am, which means more or less I miss 7 whole blocks of lessons (including two tutorials under Mr. Kwok, which is somewhat of a good thing I guess).
Why is my life so screwed up?

*edit* got this off prisci's blog. Prisci dun be sad about PW ok?

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.
At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.
How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

Hohoho

2008-04-07T21:16:00.002+08:00

Hohoho. Someone is finally pissed. As usual, comments in italics.
Firstly, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of you who actually BOTHERED to email me, text me or approach me on MSN to inform me regarding whether or not you could make it to the waterpolo finals. You are indeed a rare, considerate breed.
Actually I think we're a lot more considerate than you, my dear lazy CT rep. You reach home to take a nap till 3 everyday, and you cannot call each of us up one by one to ask us? Remember that we're going down tomorrow only so that you can enjoy more time spent with your 'term paper and other stuff'. The least you could do is to call us, the way those who are planning class outings call everyone up to ask them to go down whichever day.

For the rest, may I please remind you that I am NOT doing this for my own pleasure! I would appreciate some COOPERATION (ie A RESPONSE) when I appeal to the class SPECIFICALLY NOT TO REMAIN SILENT and NOT TO IGNORE my emails, so that organising this would be JUST A BIT more efficient and less of a hassle. As of now, I still have not heard from some people. I would really appreciate it if people would be so kind as to make the huge, exhausting effort of moving their fingers across a keyboard and emailing me a single sentence without me having to approach them one by one to ask.
As I said, the least you could do is call us. Sorry we're all too lazy for you, but if you treated the matter with less authoritative tones and actually did some labour CT reps do, maybe the class would have responded better, or even just made 'the huge exhausting effort of moving their fingers across a keyboard and emailing you a single sentence' so that we could all save you the trouble of asking us one by one. Haven't you figured out by now that we're Singapore, not bloody Brussels. Stop thinking we're like your angelic friends out there, because sorry to disappoint you, we aren't. And as follows your individualistic nature, you think asking like 15+ people is difficult, what about if you had a whole CCA, or even a Company or Platoon to coordinate?

As for apathy, I have changed my mind. I think the fact that less than half the class bothered to reply after two emails appealing for feedback and having waited since Thursday for it is irrefutable evidence that Ms Lye's assessment was indeed correct after all.
Two emails is really a lot, you know. We are so obliged to email you back just because you sent two emails to us. We really owe you our time schedules of what we're doing and all so that you can be 'JUST A BIT more efficient' and quickly clear this match support so that we can spend time with our 'term papers and other stuff'. Really, all you've done is to irrefutably prove that you're such a selfish git that I'm surprised that you can actually like someone. Really, apathetic? Maybe you should look at yourself from an outsider's angle so that you actually understand what she meant. Just because you refuse to be self-critical doesn't mean that others can't be critical of you. And don't forget that you are part of the class, however reluctant as we are to admit it, so the label applies to you as well.

2008-04-05T23:32:00.001+08:00

You are an Idealist.

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.
http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/

Rebuttal

2008-04-05T00:07:00.004+08:00

My comments in italics.

Can everyone please inform me whether they can go to the waterpolo finals asap? We need at least 60% of the class to go for it to count. Please, please be cooperative about this. If we get this over with now, we don't have to worry about it anymore when work piles up as the term progresses. This is especially important because we can't put it off till Term 3, and soon we'll have term papers and other stuff to do.
Well I'm sorry, I really didn't consider that you had to do term papers and other stuff but others don't have to. And I also didn't realise that all the finals are in Term 3, you know. Why should we be cooperative, when you're are such a lousy excuse for a Rafflesian?Sorry, Mr. Council Reject, HISSOC Chair Reject, CT Rep cos our CT preferred you over Josh who was so much more popular.
As for Mervyn's comment, "getting it over and done with" is precisely what we have to do. If people want to support the school on their on time, they are perfectly at liberty to. However the fact that we have to do this AS A CLASS means coordinating all our schedules, which is a great logistical hassle, especially if we have to rearrange our plans to find common times. It has no bearing on 'paying tribute to our sportsmen'; it's just a matter of practicality.
Sure, getting it over and done with is what YOU want to do. It's definitely not what WE want to do. You don't have to label our priorities for us, you're in no moral position nor do you have any authority to do so. At the same time, if you're so busy with 'term papers and other stuff' to coordinate our schedules, why even bother being a CT rep? I'm pretty sure that you're supposed to coordinate stuff for us, and not being a joker CT rep who is too busy for the class. And as I've said, why even bother calling yourself a Rafflesian if you do not want to support your friends working their ass off out there? You claim practicality. Practical convenience for you, I suppose. Sure we moan and bitch about it, but we make sure we're proud that our school is gaining glory out there. You? Look at yourself.

As for being apathetic, I totally disagree with Ms Lye's assessment. We are all enthusiastic about many different things, just not as a united "bunch", which is to be expected with so many differing personalities and interests. Just because we're not all leaping for joy at this prospect doesn't mean that we lack enthusiasm. I hope that her comment remains a 'running joke' and that people don't take it to heart.
Yeah sure, we're all entitled to our own opinions. We also have things we like and don't like and all, vested interests. But when she said apathetic, she meant that we were selfish people (and yes you who wrote this email, you are one) who didn't give a damn about people beyond our own small scope in life. I'll bet a hundred bucks that you do CIP for the sake of getting the hours clocked and a better testimonial and not for the community itself. It's nothing about enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is something cultivated, not personal character. So its time you faced reality and looked beyond your own small world, and understand that her criticism of us is perfectly reasonable and by no means a joke, because it's not funny.

Match support

2008-04-03T23:38:00.002+08:00

I personally do not see the point in going for match support for the sake of going for it. Sure, no offence to the Councilors but I'm sure most will agree with me that the compulsory match support is a hassle and all. But it makes no sense that just because we don't want to give up an afternoon of our time to support our friends playing their hearts out there that we just choose the most convenient slot for us to fulfill the 'requirements' of being a Rafflesian. If this is what being a Rafflesian is about, then I'll say that I'd rather just come from another school. What's the point in the so called 'school spirit' being top on Facebook, and being so proud of the Rafflesian image when we don't want to support our friends in the school colours playing for the school?
The name Raffles comes with a prestige behind it that heralds our 'all rounded' development. If you want the prestige through being a student at RI, RGS or RJC, but yet refuse to give anything back in return, then please, take off that badge. Such selfish behaviour is unbecoming of a person, much less a Rafflesian.

Angsty

2008-04-02T21:44:00.002+08:00

Really. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I just can't talk to people, I just stand or sit there silent while the others have conversations around me. Do I lack to ability to broach meaningless topics? Or do I just find that I don't need such conversations to sustain my own interest?
Quite frankly, I just cannot talk to people except a select few of my close friends. Why? And why do I get the evil pangs of jealousy nagging inside me when I see people effortlessly sliding into conversation with others? At the same time, why do I try to attract attention by being loud, uncouth, and a total ass?
Not to mention the fact that I take notice of details well, I frequently find myself in bitter moments as I see the person I like engaging others, and myself just an observer, a hanger-on.
Then, why do I feel that sense of self-pity and hurt when people choose not to sit next to me during lectures, tutorials, or even just stand next to me during morning assembly? Am I such a selfish and insecure person?
What is wrong with me - I'd rather someone just shoot me instead of carrying on this torturous cycle.

Just shoot me, now.

7 Months.

2008-04-01T22:46:00.003+08:00

SEA-Hist 31st October 2008 9731/02
General Paper 3 November 2008 8806/01 & 8806/02
Mathematics 4 November 2008 9740/01
Mathematics 7 November 2008 9740/02
Literature 10 November 2008 9725/01
Economics 11 November 2008 9732/02
Economics 12 November 2008 9732/01
Int'l Hist 13 November 2008 9731/01
Literature 19 November 2008 9725/03

7 more months to the first A level paper I'll be having. Arrgh.

On the other hand.
Person A: eh ss (shadow shaman) can you pls use shackles to support the team anot?
Person X: i never learn shackles
Person B: no shackles how you kill people?
Person X: put wards there shoot the guy la.
Person C: wtf
Person A: pls leave the game now
<---- A few kills later ---->
Person X: eh actually shackles quite powerful leh.
Person A: -.-
Person B: ....
Person C: wtf.
<---- One more kill later ---->
Person X: Wah voodoo also quite good sia
Person A: -.-
Person B: .....
Person C: wtf.
Person X: today april fools pls.

BOREDBOREDBORED

2008-03-30T18:58:00.002+08:00

Decided to blogsurf for the first time in EONS.
Found this on Nelle's blog.
Can be accessed at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
Well frankly, I don't have many friends to begin with. And interesting I hardly am. And listen? Perhaps.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
I don't know, really. I think there's a lot more beyond the face, but who doesn't love a jovial face always smiling back at them? But given how silent I usually am in one-on-one situations with a girl, maybe serious is good.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
I wish I was that able to control my emotional surges.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
I kind of agree. In true romantic style I don't believe in liking two people at the same time.

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The first thing that really describes me damn well. I hate studying. Hands-on for the win. And yes, emotion over intelligence. Of course I'd end up with an unusual job, especially since I've been considering human psychology/behaviour or even criminal psychology as a major.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
Aye. Plenty of dream jobs. But they'll never work out. I'm just not a person cut out for a successful career.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
0.o I'm seriously intrigued. I guess it all depends on my feelings at the point I choose my career, and whether I can put my heart to it.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
I'm afraid of being dependent, yes, but even more I'm afraid of being alone on this earth. Won't you please spend a lifetime with me?

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Mood swings. Kind of a good descriptor, how I can get over things really fast... Kind of like an elevator really, there are days when my feelings go up and down non-stop. Calm and still? Perhaps. But of course there's nothing like being in the thick of it.

CTs are over.

2008-03-22T12:48:00.002+08:00

Yep. They're over. Wheee.

Time to watch the Blade Trilogy which I bought a week before CTs.
Time to get nervous about competition coming soon.
Time to get nervous about results returning soon.
Time to get my results back and get owned.
Time to play more basketball.
Time to plan to go to Sentosa with a group of friends, find out that the queue for the Sentosa Express is a bit too long, so decide to walk there instead, spending half an hour to buy a $25 Nike volleyball, then find out that the pedestrian walkway is closed for construction work, so decide to attempt to play near the walkway entrance, and lose the ball by yourself accidentally throwing it into the sea after less than 5 minutes, then decide that since it looks like rain, lanning is a better option, lan for 3 hours and find out that one of your friends' phones was stolen, before making your way an hour late to a friend's birthday party with everyone else, being the latest to arrive, shamelessly taking the sofas, then invited to be the first to eat and almost the first to leave. (DONE)
I lead a charmed life.
Oh but I bought Daughtry's album so dejection isn't such a strong feeling.

To the recent readers of my blog, sorry but I'm lazy to update the links, so leave them there and as that.

school sucks

2008-03-13T21:44:00.002+08:00

i seriously bloody hate studying. period.
who gives a shit about studies, the degree is useless 5 years after getting it: statistics show that you forget it all. so what in the deepest realms of whatever bullshit are we mugging our brains out for? cramming all these pieces of information that we'd never use in the future. i'm so going to use vectors to calculate how my living room will look like in the future, seriously, or integrate to find the acceleration of my car that can go from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.

bloody hell.
history - probably my favourite subject, but just what the hell do they mean by more than 200 pages of notes. for just int'l hist? lets not talk about sea hist, shall we. so much for an 'analytical' subject.
lit - fun, but again utterly impossible to understand what examiners want.
econs - interesting but utterly impossible to understand what examiners want.
maths - pure maths is useless in everyday life, face it.

therefore studying = rubbish waste of time. period.

Dead

2008-03-05T20:11:00.001+08:00

I officially declare this blog dead, for a period of time up to my own discretion.
Blogging has lost its flavour, and for that I am somewhat thankful.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

2008-02-17T15:24:00.001+08:00

http://www.despair.com/viewall.html

Poem for the damnned.

2008-02-13T17:05:00.002+08:00

Cabbage always has a heart,
Green beans string along.
You're such a cute tomato,
Will you peas to me along?
You've been the apple of my eye,
You know how much I care.
So lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect pear.
Now, somethings sure to turnip to prove you can't be beet,
So if you carrot all for me let's let our tulips meet.
Don't squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my honey, dear,
Or tears will fill potato's eyes,
While sweet corn lends an ear.
I'll cauliflower shop and say,
Your dreams are parsley mine.
I'll work and share my celery,
So be my valentine.

By Jeanne Losey.

The post that should never have been

2007-11-10T10:53:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry, what I said was all in a fit of anger. I'm pretty sure you know anger too. Hurt, as well.

Choices, choices

2007-10-30T19:11:00.000+08:00

To make a choice, is it that difficult?

I guess that if it's a choice that can alter your life, then it probably is.

EFG. Simpang Bedok has damn good food. Must go there eat more, or eat with the EFG more often. Stupid assignment, I don't want to complete it. Zzz. The alternative seems much easier lol. Most of you won't know what I'm talking about, so I'll keep it at that.

Costumes for Wushu clinic at RGS: $60
Weapons for Wushu clinic at RGS: $50
Seeing a Chinese teacher with a sense of humour scold students after the clinic: Priceless.
Can't really recall what she said now, but it was just hilarious for that point in time.

PW sucks. I hate it, really.

when everything's made to be broken

2007-10-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

~~me like hockey~~
Nah, me like Tide of Iron, is be a good board game abouts World War II. I am be liking it because there be coolio numbers for tanks and infantry and elite infantry and it's basically a very advanced form of ~~Risk~~ strategy game with initiative and strategy cards and terrain and all sorts of stuff to take into account. 5/5 for interestingness, 3/5 for mobility, 4/5 for time required to play. Well for time we took four hours to finish 7 rounds, but then again it was a huge map and our first time. Gametime should be substantially shorter from now on.
GAME TIME STARTED. Truthfully, it'd be interesting to see how any of our history teachers play it. I bet Mr. Kung will gush about the Tiger's extreme firepower advantage which is not historially accurate. I mean, 8 firepower on a Sherman & Tiger IV versus 13 firepower on a Tiger? Jokes.

Hmm. Maybe nothing'll ever happen, naturally. That's why if everyone cared, none of the major problems in the last century would have occured. Right?
Haha for those who don't get it, go watch the Nickelback -If Everyone Cared music video. Makes you think. Will you be one of those in the small groups that create a change, a difference? Why not start by making a difference in your own life? After all, Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Bored

2007-10-18T21:25:00.000+08:00

ASSUMING:
lvl 120 claw 94 wa 14 luk
21 WA gloves
15 dex 4 wa cape
50 dex robe
15 dex earrings
21 dex shoes
zkhelm 16 luk 37 dex
illbi 27 wa
takoyaki 8 wa

to get 170 dex to use the claw, you need to add only 28 out of the 1004 stat points you get from 1-200 (assuming 4/4/4/4, you add points you own way) to dex. this results in you having exactly 4/32/4/980 stats, without items.
including items you would have 4/170/4/1010.
this, with 154 wa, results in min damage (without crit) of 5832 per star in lucky 7, a maximum damage (with crit) of 19442 dmg per star in lucky 7.

It's over

2007-10-17T19:13:00.000+08:00

PW OP dry run is over. At least now I know that I speak too fast during presentations, and I stutter like crap only if I don't prepare. Oh wells, not a big problem, is there =D And I advocated the cutting of the skit long ago -.-

Bah messed up. As usual. It's just me to screw up something I'm not supposed to. I can't explain why, or how. It's just that way. I mean, sometimes it's kinda irritating perhaps to keep screwing up, especially without intending to. Look at it this way. We're on the court, I'm moving out of mao's way so he can get to the basket for a lay-up, i.e. he's on my team. Just so unluckily, the ball hits my knee as he's dribbling and then goes out. Like am I the unluckiest guy on earth or what. The crash between me and Chester earlier this year, I end up with 15 stitches and he gets what, a headache? Sometimes everything just happens to me, and no one else.

I GOT THE BASS!
I'm addicted to the cover of London Bridge by Bowling for Soup that owns Fergie's version hands down. Not surprisingly, the mp3 version is impossible to find. Wonder why.

Life's been full of ups and corresponding downs recently.
Up: Promos are over.
Down: There's still PW.
Up: I was brave enough to do what I wanted to do.
Down: I don't know what was the effect of doing so - positive or negative?
Up: The status quo hasn't changed for the worse.
Down: The status quo was supposed to change for the better.
I should really take the elevator more often, more ups and downs will come your way that way.

Sometimes I don't know whether I should continue, or is it really over? Or did I have no chance from the beginning? Am I being overly hopeful and presistent? Does it give me such great pleasure to be in such a position half the time?

Got to improve on my dota. Lacking skills in most heroes other than Morphling, Stealth Assasin, Lina Inverse, and Priestess of the Moon (which isn't very good to start with). I should try using Pit Lord soon, I hear it's good team hero. Hmm.

A prayer for the heartbroken

2007-10-13T18:03:00.000+08:00

Someday, somehow, gonna make it all right, but not right now. I know you're wondering when.

Actually, I hope our friendship will progress. Soon.

A prayer? Yes.

whoot

2007-10-07T13:45:00.001+08:00

~>-->Xiaoo~AiiXx <33 LuRbb~<3 LUrrBb^^ EeuUu ~Wo~rrHhh**hhXxxxX~**^<3<3<333

English as it is broken. Really, I've seen more instances of bad grammar in MapleStory than any other game I've ever played.

I factor it down to two separate but interlinked causes.
1. The Singapore education/propaganda system has failed to improve the standard of English amongst the masses.
Well, kind of obviously, when you have a Malay trying to sing a chinese song and saying "What talking you?" on national tv, you can't go very far in the range demarcating population's grasp of English. Just look around. Yes, we may laugh at sites like www.engrish.com and www.talkingcock.com, but really, the signs are all around us. I'm pretty sure that beyond our facades or rather, fa-ca-days of having Queen's English (or as some would put it Queen Mother England), I'm unwilling to believe that the standard of English in Singaporean society is so degenerate.
Similarly, the chaos (kaos) that ensues from having ridiculously low levels of command of the English language is generally accepted by most of society, especially with those who seek to draw a national identity beyond the PAP, Merlion, and Sentosa. While I'm pretty sure that the government usually tries not to tolerate with such trashy English, I'm kind of frustrated that even companies don't try to set a proper standard in their languages.
For example: Scroll for Two-handeded Sword, or Sorry for any inconvenience cause.
What are they thinking, really?
2. The Singaporean masses don't really give two hoots whether their English is good or not.
Like I said earlier, if companies don't even do their part to ensure proper English, society could very well degenerate into the whyyyy euuu daooo miiiiee kind of situation, something I don't really want to think about.
Furthermore, as we have often proved, only those high up in the corporate ladder actually need the proper English, for those working in the lower rungs do not have to face international clients, nor do they have to provide an image of Singapore as a city of education and opportunities. Those in the lower rungs, no offence, can be contented to sit there, and continue speaking the mix of Hokkin, Teochew, English, Chinese and Malay that so characterises a Singaporean like no other.

So, the choice is - sacrifice a 'national identity' for 'global prestige', or vice versa?

sucks

2007-10-05T21:47:00.001+08:00

Some say I should just stop, give up. Some others say I should continue. Torn, split asunder. I pray for a sign.

one day more

2007-09-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

One day more. and yet I'm still stuck in immaturity. So what if I turn seventeen? I'm just another year older, another year closer to death. Another year to the defeat of life by the ever-present death.

They say that as one ages, one becomes wiser, with more experiences under his belt. Is that really true? How many of us really take away the lessons we're supposed to? How many of us recognise that doing a particular thing is wrong, and cease and desist?

One day more. How impactful can a single day be? Would it have the same significance as days like 6th June 1944, 18th June 1815, or 16th July 1945? (D-Day, Battle of Waterloo and first nuclear bomb test respectively)

Why, is Man so intent on commemorating this 'birthday', something based upon time, yet time being the intangible process and theory that Man himself invented? So what, if it's my birthday. I'm still stuck in the throes of stupidity, immaturity and laziness. Non-present social skills, clearly demonstrated yesterday. An inability to phrase myself properly not helping, either.

So what's all this for?

Sorry

2007-09-30T11:48:00.000+08:00

I wish I could lie and pretend that what I said last night isn't gnawing at my insides now. I can't.

Some people say that lying on your bed in the dark of the night is one of the best places to think and reflect. I have to agree.

As usual, I shot my mouth off, said the rude, insensitive and idiotic thing. And the sad part? I tried to pretend that I didn't care that you were hurt. I tried to block out the part of me that cried in desperation, the other part of me that was exploding with sadistic delight. Really, I don't know where everything that I want to do is going.

I admit that I usually don't think before I speak. Like, who gives a shit about the consequences? But the consequences always come back to hurt me.

I don't deny it, I am insensitive. For that I apologise.

So, Alicia, if you're reading this, I just ask of you to acknowledge receipt of this apology.

Inspired

2007-09-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

Today wasn't such a good day. Spectacles broke just before history paper. How? Thanks Josh for lending me scotchtape =).

After the paper, was inspired by the bunch of people I had dinner with to write a song, titled U For Maths, based closely on Lifehouse's You and Me. I like it. HAHA.

Emoed. Saw things I shouldn't know about. Life stinks, always.

One day the coroner is going to say, Mervyn Tan died of poisoning - poisoned by over-consumption of water. Really.

Anecdote of the day - I bought a total of four cans of Nescafe Original from store 2. Well, too bad they didn't have any coffee labelled with FairTrade. xD Two before history, two after history. Either I'm going to have crazy stomach problems tonight or I just won't be able to sleep with so much caffine. FUNSSS.

indifferent

2007-09-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

Indifference. Is that all that is left?
Is that the attitude I'm going to adopt from now on?
Have my feelings for you all but disappeared?
Am I just caught up in life, studying hard like every other student out there? Am I to be part of society's inhumane robots, following the 'path to riches' as so put by so many? Is this what man's purpose in life is? How do we justify working, and working, and working to satisfy our material wants and greed? When will we ever know when to stop?
Have I really stopped? Or am I faltering on the edge, before the plunge?
When will people care. When will it ever happen that society progresses to the utopian system where every man is equal, happiness flows like beer out of a tap? But the pessimist in me argues that one will not know happiness unless one knows sadness first. Like Gandhi once said, "There are people in the world so hungry that God cannot appear to them in any form other than bread." Perhaps this brings to light what kind of lives we have - extravagant, decadent and luxurious.

So what is life, anyway?

Postscriptum: Sorry for the incoherence of this post, just rambling on.

Shaved and violated.

2007-09-21T19:34:00.000+08:00

Got a blade one shave on Wednesday before hankering around J8 with Jun Jie looking for a manly hairband for him. Well, I look like a convict. Go me. Anyway, fact remains- shaving is a very unique experience, especially when you do it for the first time. I'm glad that at least I didn't wait till army to do it.

Reactions? Well mostly why so short? from my family. No reaction from friends other than Jun Jie who was like, wah you damn brave. Not that it matters to me. My own reaction is that I like the feeling when I rub my head now. It's so carpet-y.

Anyway, yesterday a monk came to my place and did some ritual on me, supposedly to bless me in my studies. Well, he meant well. But I couldn't help feeling violated as I had to be polite and chant the scriptures after him, and kneel there as he dabbed oil on my palms, sprinkled water over me (note that the water had candlewax and gold fragments of who knows what in it). Firstly, it was really gross that I had to kneel there, in front of something I did not believe in, and pretending. It's more than just my own personal view of things; the fact remains that I'm more or less certain on accepting Christ in my life. It was a rather surreal experience, kneeling there watching him drip candlewax (from a lighted candle, no less) into plastic containers filled with water, and acknowledging the fact that I'm supposed to rinse myself with that 'blessed water' after I bathe on the days I have exams.

Looking at the containers, I'm asking myself if I'm really gonna do it. It's just kind of unnatural to me.

We stand alone together

2007-09-13T19:23:00.000+08:00

I like the simplicity and the meaning to the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment's motto. Currahee, meaning stand alone. Paratroopers do indeed stand alone, they who are accustomed to being surrounded and probably besieged after leaving the drop zone. Yet, they are there, in comaraderie and spirit, to be able to stand with each other together, to fight, to drag each other out of the combat zone if injured, to be willing to take a bullet for their buddy. Yes, that is the spirit exhibited by members of Easy Company, also known as the Band of Brothers. Well, I'm frankly amazed at their feats, but even more so at the miniseries from HBO in 2001 that brought everything to life. The awards it got were well justified. Bringing to life a Panzer or a Tiger is well beyond what I would call great skill. Note that there was hardly any anachronisms. Excellent war sensationalist videos.
And here's something for you - I do not care for your thanks, not if you choose pride over self.

Worthless

2007-09-03T17:55:00.000+08:00

I've not done anything since the holidays started. No work, nothing. Been lazing around, playing Dota, realising that my computer is worthless, substandard, obselete. Looking at it, it can't even run Dota properly anymore. Which explains why everyone lags when I host cos my com can't cope with the graphics, much less being a server. A worthless computer. Comparing it to my brother's new overpriced HP computer with a 360gb hard disk drive, a geforce 7100, 1gb of ram and a dual core 2.4ghz processor, mine pales severely in comparison. What can a 40 gb hdd, 756mb of ram, a single 2.4 ghz processor do? Sigh. Gotta wait till end of next year before I can get a new com.
I'm also worthless in her eyes.
Looking forward to stayover tomorrow.

edisni daed

2007-08-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

Read about Antonio Puerta's death. Shocking, and sad. Shocking: he's hailed the next big thing, he's just twenty two, he's in the pink of health. Sad: He had a whole life ahead of him, he has an unborn child.

Makes you think, doesn't it. So much going for you, and you could be dead the next moment. Then why don't you of all people, treasure what you've got?
So I can only help you with work and finding songs. Am I nothing, beyond that?
Why is Man such a creature that takes everything for granted in his life? Why does one not look at the sky and the grass and admire it, instead of working so hard towards that elusive dream of making that million or billion. Does money matter that much? How far will a capitalist society go in forsaking even just the intrinsic value of rest, relax and appreciation of the world?
Do I exist just as your pawn, or to be manipulated by you?
People look at life, declare it to be a waste of their time, or are unable to keep up or handle the stress of life. For that, they commit suicide. Is it fair, then, to put others through the pain of surviving you. What gives you the justification you need to put everything that is worth something to you behind? Where is the appreciation, the love, the laughter, the joy, the memories that should be part of everyone's life, but yet steadily decreases for each new generation?
I've did all sorts of things for you, and unappreciative, you walk away.
Why do we speak of death with such hallowed or horrified terms? What is wrong with death in the first place? Death is but a passing; it is a way on beyond this worldy universe. We leave behind memories, legacies, and everything that has once meant something to us.
I walk around, I'm offensive and a pest - that look on your face when you see me.
So why is death a part of life? Is it nothing beyond the basic cycle of life and death; that death is an inevitable end of life?
To give up or to persevere. You are the question.

Saddened and miserable

2007-08-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

How shall I put it.

Listening to Les Miserables again and again isn't the best cure for a sore heart. Then again, almost nothing is.
I wish I didn't feel the pain, anymore.
Wedding dinner, just got home. Didn't like the food, service, nor the irritating emcee.
Thanks for snatching the food out from under my nose
Got daoed for the umpteenth time.
I don't blame you, but I can't help hating you.
Can't carry on this way, hoping against hope.
Why don't I just give up and move on?
Looking forward to next Tuesday, stayover.
You people better play Citadels, or else.
Have to start working on I-Hist term paper.
Shall not remind myself of the numerous Lit essays I have not done since start of the year.
Wondering if my dreams will ever be realised.
Wishing that one day you'll accept me, and love me.

Bored, shall do a questionaire

2007-08-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. Mervyn
2. MK (Only by my beloved 01 batchmates <3)
3. Hey (Somehow just about everyone on msn addresses me as hey first)
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. I'm tech savvy (at least a good distance above average)
2. I remember all sorts of useless facts/infomation (Hornbill- Nat'l bird of Sarawak)
3. I'm not afraid to speak out if I'm unhappy with someone
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. I'm fat and unfit.
2. I suck at relationships (I don't mean BGRs)
3. I can't control a basketball for nuts.
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:(I assume it doesn't mean nationality and race etc)
1. 01 Raffles Scout
2. Battle.net
3. Hokkien (Wa si Hokkien nang)
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Darkness (Nyctophobia)
2. Loneliness (Monophobia)
3. Her rejections.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS (I assume it doesn't include air, food, water)
1. MSN
2. Music (Music is the key to the soul)
3. Wikipedia (Knowledge is power)
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Old RI PE T-Shirt (One of the most comfortable T-Shirts that I don't wear out)
2. Paddington Bear brand shorts
3. Ankleguard
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (I've got too many to list, I'll just list current favs)
1. Nickelback (Particularly Someday and How You Remind Me)
2. Goo Goo Dolls (Particularly Iris)
3. Within Temptation (Particularly Angels)
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I've given a girl costume jewellery as a present.
2. I was supposed to sing for the Sec 4 Graduation night last year.
3. I've completed a First Class Scout Hike.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. Ask her out, and succeed.
2. Take part in IHC Sports for BW (Wanna do my part, and win some medals!)
3. Work part-time during the holidays (Money to spend overseas, get a better mp3)
THREE THINGS YOU NEED IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. Mutual understanding.
2. Mutual trust.
3. Mutual care.
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO
1. Trust some people.
2. Stop being hypocritical. (Basic flaw of humanity)
3. Talk to her.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. Singing along to music.
2. Watching documentaries (The History Channel-Channel 8 on cable- is pretty good)
3. DotA.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. Angst/send hate mail to Rob Styles (Google Chelsea Liverpool penalty to understand why)
2. Drink tea (Tea as in tea with milk, the over-sweetened type from coffeeshops)
3. Talk to her.
THREE WEIRD JOBS YOU'D CONSIDER DOING
1. Food Taster/Pillow tester (Eat, sleep, and be paid for it. What more?)
2. Criminal psychologist (Put my evil conspiracy theories to the test)
3. Househusband (A revolution in Singaporean fathering)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1. Anfield (Best is if I watch them play against Everton, Man U or Chelsea)
2. Omaha Beach (or any other beach along the coast of Normandy, for that matter)
3. Staples Center (Lakers, who else)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Command a tank or self-propelled artillery. (The M1A1 Abrams would be a nice tank)
2. Watch Liverpool play live at Anfield or Stanley Park (I'd muchly prefer Anfield)
3. Marry her.
THREE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD COMPLETE THIS SURVEY
1. Royce Yap
2. Nellyelle
3. Roger Ong

Day of many things

2007-08-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

As the title says, today is the day of many things.

Pretty uneventful lessons, slept through most of the first Lit tutorial, too tired. Still haven't fully recovered from the bout of flu. Had PE, did weights, played soccer on the really wet field and ended up with a brown shirt. Slipped while attempting a volley. Oh well. Bathed, rushed a plate of rice within 4 minutes and two more tutorials. Put on that really disgusting muddy shirt for some basketball, but ended early thanks to the onset of rain. Bathed, then met up with Sab in J8.

So we went to Raffles City Shopping Center to search for presents for Alexis. Hope she likes them! She's pretty much still the same, but looking a lot more cheerful. Claims she 'misses' the class =P But yeah, take care ok? =) You're always welcome with 1C. When we went to Precious Thots to look around, I saw something that evoked a lot of memories and feelings. A stuffed animal. After seeing I kinda came over emo.
I guess we've never really moved on...
Watching firworks was kinda -.- cos we were in the airconditioned comfort of Royal Sporting House watching out of the tinted windows. Well, at least JJ and I had something to do while waiting for the show to start after a 15 minute delay. We were like looking at boots, balls, and especially the Liverpool jerseys. I think I shall save up for the next two months or so, buy the Liverpool duffel bag. Really damn nice. =D

Anyway, kinda tired now. Chest hurts too. Shall have a relatively early night then.

Soccer videos.

2007-08-15T18:45:00.000+08:00

Soccer is a sick game. Seriously.
I've been watching different videos on youtube, mostly, and its really inspiring to see the brilliant goals, and at the same time I'm really humoured by the funny/lucky/stupid moments in soccer.

Two examples of the brilliant moments: (Sadly, both not from Liverpool but Arsenal instead)Dennis Bergkamp receives a low cross, his back to the net. He touches it with his left foot, spins the other way past a defender and scores. The other one would be Theiry Henry receiving a low cross, his first touch to lift it up slightly, and the volley that follows just dips into the top corner. Absolutely world class strike.

Then, we have the stupid or just -.- moments. The one where after an injury, a midfielder tries to clear the ball for a goal kick for the other team. Instead, he hits a player, takes the rebound, hits the player AGAIN, and on the second rebound finally manages to clear it. We then have the lousy stretcher bearers who attempt to reach the injured man faster by sliding in but end up landing a sliding tackle on the man on the ground. Smart, isn't it.
I've been wasting my life since secondary school. I don't know why I still continue along this path, but for once, perhaps I should try something different, to go with the tide instead of against the tide. Or perhaps I should just stop struggling and sink to the bottom. Where it is peaceful. Serene, quietness, no more troubles or worries.

Poking fun

2007-08-08T19:45:00.000+08:00

I've been so caught up with stuff like Citadels and such recently, more importantly I've finally managed to keep proper form and start bagging 3-pointers. That's a good achievement. Range improved! =D

Anyway life as usual sucks. Now even more so. A week's past already. Royce is still in the UK. Ok, whatever you might think about it being gay. But I do miss him. It's not about going to RI to eat together, sitting together in Econs and History lectures, but just the feeling of you knowing that someone close to you, someone you'd trust your life with is nearby. But no pressure, Royce. Haha I wouldn't want to entrust my life to you, what if you saw the monster of a neighbour that you were so afraid to talk to? =P

People ask me why I'm so stupid, prolonging my misery, pushing through the thistles and thorn-bush laden undergrowth in this dark forest. Why am I hurting myself to try to get to that end point. Is it worth that much? Perhaps. Maybe the sight of the end point one day will be the proof that it was worth it. After all, Man was born to hope. Without hope, Man is just a group of defunct organisms who think that they know everything. So I shall go on hoping. Hoping that one day everything would be better. Hoping that one day, I'll be able to look back and say that I did manage to accomplish something.

On the point of knowing everything, as the list of known unknowns and unknown unknowns gets smaller each day, how much more can we progress? They say the sky's the limit. We've surpassed that. We've gone into space. Are we going to find extra terrestrial life one day? Just imagine if we encountered a world like that of the Planet of the Apes. Kind of artistic, isn't it. The way humanity falls thanks to its arrogance. A warning, even.

Monty Python and Rush Hour 3

2007-08-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

I really want to watch the Life of Brian, the Flying circus and Rush Hour 3. Ugh. Been busy on and off, when I've not been busy I didn't feel like blogging, when I've felt busy I suddenly wanted to blog. Kinda sucks, really.

So recently, been learning to fly a plane on Battlefield 1942, gotta perfect those bombing runs on destroyers and stuff. Kinda fun, never actually learnt how to fly one till woonie taught us. Sigh, must learn how to strafe the ground.

I don't know why I'm watching Monty Python videos as I do my econs essay thing. Kinda like crap trying to do something serious about long run average costs and laughing ym ass off at stuff like THIS IS AN EX-PARROT! every 3 seconds.

What the hell do long run average cost curves and the economies of scale have to do with anything of the rest of my life anyway =/ Kinda sucks. Sigh. At least I have stuff in school to take my mind off how depressing life is. I mean life sucks, all the way until you die.

How about spamming SPAM until you die of spam in your intestine and who knows where else. Obviously, by spam I mean the canned meat also known as spam. So in the process of spamming spam with spam, then we would be spamming spam spam! This is like using the f-word as part of every word all over again (go watch the history of the f-word).

Oh well. funny videos have to take a backseat for how. Gotta go do up that econs tutorial before Dr. Fang comes and sticks 'a joystick up the rectum', as Neil Humphreys so aptly put it.

It takes two

2007-07-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

You know what they say about it taking two hands to clap? It really is true.

Something of interest

2007-07-18T19:55:00.000+08:00

It was a picture story of the death of one 82nd Airborne trooper. He had occupied a German foxhole and made it his personal Alamo. In a half circle around the hole lay the bodies of nine German soldiers. The body closest to the hole was only three feet away, a potato masher (gernade) in its fist. The other distorted forms lay where they had fallen, testimony to the ferocity of the fight. His ammunition bandoliers were still on his shoulders, empty of M-1 clips. Cartridge cases littered the ground. His rifle stock was broken in two. He had fought alone, and like many others that night, he had died along.

I like the description. And the sadness of the picture. I can't fathom the desperate stand he took. Imagine - you're surrounded by enemy. You're out of ammo. You've killed a good many but there are a bloody lot more out there. You wait for them to come and get you, since you don't have any more ammo. When they come, you switch to using your rifle as a club instead, using all your strength until the butt breaks. Eventually, as you lie dying, or in the instant before your death, you wonder - for what reason do men fight.

Babbles and Baubles

2007-07-17T19:31:00.000+08:00

Life is boring. Monotonus.

All that I have is my new book, D-Day by Stephen E. Ambrose. Excellent book, though he's a sensationalist writer. Well, at least he has the facts. And I'd prefer reading a factual account rather than an analyzed account. Analysis somehow takes the interest out of History. It's quite sad, really, that the MoE Syllabus focuses so much on Historiography and analysis. I don't mean that it's not a good thing, but in the end a lot of the flavour of the history has been sapped out. I mean, I'd rather learn about the events and how they happened, like for example how the Saya San rebellion occured, and not just learn about how it contributed to the development of nationalism.

I believe that our new SEA-Hist teacher, Mr. Kung, also expresses the same opinions, or such I can perceive from his blog. Since 08A13B discovered him and he knows about it, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind us reading it at http://kungfuzi.blogspot.com/ . In any case he's better than however much many of us give him credit for, as evidenced by today's 'discussion' between him and Mr. Rollason during the H3 History lesson. It's kind of clear that he really has that passion for history.

As it stands, I've been posted to Mr. Rollason's group for the H3. Dunno, doesn't seem like there's anything to be worried about or to look out for. I guess the most important thing in my mind now is to get all my work done, on time. Looking forward to 2-3 weeks time, with the supposed full day holiday and the very very long national day weekend.

In any case, I've more or less mapped out the schedule for me for the next week or so. And it doesn't include venturing to the west side of Singapore besides Adrian's place for the CUPCAKE BAKING. Lit week next week. Need to learn make-up skillz so that Weiyuan can look like a flowery Romeo next Wednesday.

Bahh. Long time since I've really blogged. I'll humour myself with a reflective post.

Humanity is conflicted between rationality and his emotions. Sure, the gender stereotype of males supposedly more rational and females more emotional does exist, to the extent of which I am not in the position to comment. However, rationality and emotions are always conflicting - Princeton defined rationality as "having its source in or being guided by the intellect (distinguished from experience or emotion)". Well, I'd agree that rational decisions should never be affected by one's emotions. But, how can anyone not have any emotions? How can anyone be masterful enough to control the basic instinct of humanity in him?

Take Dwight D. Eisenhower for example. How could he, under all that tremendous stress and pressure of the free world, make a rational decision as to whether D-Day could be conducted? I'm sure that given the instablility of the weather at that time, and the morale of his troops, it was a decision that had too many factors to take into account before giving the go ahead. In the same way, how can any man be expected to make a rational decision? No matter what the circumstances may be, there is always the factor that there will be repercussions for every single action that you take - I quote Newton's Third Law 'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'.

So, who deserves to be blamed for being unable to make an irrational decision? Do you see yourself as Dwight D. Eisenhower, sitting in the Headquarters, and contemplating a decision that would potentially alter the course of History forever? Let it be said that History is not just about the figures, the important people, the statistics or whatnot. History goes down to even just any single person, anyone who could have made a mark on the world even if it was considered beneficial or detrimental. Who, out of you readers of my blog, knows who in the world was Karol Józef Wojtyła? (Just to let you know that is the name of Pope John Paul II.)

If we expect all our important figures to be able to make rational decisions for our benefit, then why is it that we don't ever picture ourselves in their shoes trying to make their decisions?

I'm too lazy to continue. Will finish it up some other day.
Merv.

Nothing much to do.

2007-07-13T19:32:00.000+08:00

Got this off Nelle... cos she asked me to do it.

TYPE YOUR FIRST NAME WITH YOUR...

1.FINGERS: Mervyn

2.CHIN: i'm not going to like oil my keyboard tyvm.

3.ONE FINGER, EYES CLOSED: mervyn (bloody hell i'm good)

4.ELBOW: meeeeeervyn (accidentally held onto the E key)

5.NOSE: you wish.

6.PALM: nah, lazy.

1.) List four fandoms you have.
- Music, preferably Emo/Love Ballads or Slow Rock. (Typical mainstream)
- Basketball. NBA > You.
- Regular watching of Naruto
- That pretty girl and her smile.

2.) Have you ever slept in the back of a car?
Nope. I've never slept in the back of a car, I just napped. Really.

3.) Have you recently dyed your hair/cut it?
Cut it recently, a crewcut cos I didn't know however else I should cut it. No dyeing, I'm a good boy.

4.) List four people that you look up to the most.
- Happy people. Why are they always happy.
- Royce Yap. I decline to elaborate.
- Vince Carter. Who else can dunk over a 7-foot German center in the Olympics?
- My wushu coach. Seriously. To be able to do a somesault without a running start is too... sick.

5.) How many pets do you own as of now?
Well nil, if you disregard the bacteria in my mouth and everywhere else.

6.) Which do you prefer, white or black?
Black. The night is dark.

7.) Who is your most played character?
Mirana Nightshade. PotM > you.

8.) Choose one or the other, not both:
-Being stuck on an island with your best friend
-Being stuck on an island with 5 acquaintances

Best friend. Someone who understands you would be worth a thousand times of another who doesn't.

9.) Name three aspects that tell who you are.
- Totally worn out shoes.
- Mozilla Firefox Webpage History
- MSN Chat Log folder

10.) If you could have a power what would it be?
Be able to dunk.

11.) Who was the last person you talked to?
Roger Ong

12.) Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
No comment, this question assumes too much

13.) Write down the first five words that pop into your
head:
Knots
History
Basketball
Literature
Banner

14.) What's one thing you wish you could do better?
History, Lit, and Econs tests.

15.) Do you like the way you are?
I'm not sure, do you think I do?

16.) Choose, Summer or Winter:
Winter. I have an affinity for low temperatues.

17.) Choose, Rain or snow:
Snow, at least you can walk through that without an umbrella and not get soaked.

18.) Water or ice?
Water. I'm not going to waste time waiting for the ice to melt.

19.) List two odd things about yourself:
I talk too loudly.
I have a low resting heart rate although I'm really unfit.

20.) Now list 6 people who should do this quiz!
Andre.
Bor Ray.
Priscilla.
Xinning.
Sherry.
Joyce.

Lack of that finishing touch

2007-06-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

The title says it all. That's what happened tonight during the Singapore - Australia match. Kind of let down that they had so many chances, including the ball flashing past the goal mouth twice.

Kinda entertaining and great match though. Enjoyed myself tonight watching soccer, especially Kewell's excellent performance of a goal and assist after coming on halfway through the second half.

Come to think of it, I'd wish he was able to do that for Liverpool too. It was kind of funny when the Australian players who play in the premiership were announced, the cheers were significantly louder than the others. Clearly, Singapore loves the EPL. Oh and especially Kewell too, he had the loudest cheer by far when he came on. That's why Liverpool rocks.

On the other hand, the ex-internationals game was quite stupid, it basically was soccer without speed and mainly passing and technique. Well, though lots of skill needed, there's no thrill and you can't break defences well without speed, can you?

Postscriptum:
DIE CTS DIE

Dunk

2007-06-24T13:18:00.000+08:00

I have now confirmed that fast break is definitely the best way to play basketball. Get some fast and fat guy to push his way through and dunk. No more problems. Amare Stoudamire damn good at it.

Anyway I've no idea why am I blogging. Should be studying. On the other hand, next saturday is the closing ceremony of the National Stadium and I'm going to watch Australia play! =D

30hours of famine

2007-06-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

Back from starving myself for 30 hours and paying 20 dollars for that to happen. Well, I've got to admit that if not for the fact that such a camp existed, it wouldn't ever have happened. It was fun, definitely. Could criticise many area of the camp, but if you look at the sheer numbers of students (800), it's really difficult to organise a good camp. Well done, WorldVision.

Truthfully though, the skeptical me has still not managed to use this starvation experience to understand or even get a bit of knowledge of what the people in Lesotho, Mongolia, Cambodia, Myanmar, Uzbekistan, Ethiopia, Zambia and Bangladesh. (Don't ask me why this weird choice of countries, given the various links and references to them that I guess the organisers either chose to overlook or don't know about.) Well to me I guess the camp wasn't as effective as they would have wanted for bringing the message across, but I got the point.

Oh well. Now that I've got a 'family' from Lesotho, things might be looking up =P.

I'll blog more when I feel like it. Too tired now.

Bored

2007-06-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

Arrgh mugging has to start. Tomorrow onwards. Still have so many random things throughout the next two weeks - Friday's outing, Famine Camp on Sat & Sun, and then next Sat gotta go interview Mr. Wee Tian Beng. Sigh.

Should've started mugging earlier. =(

Knots

2007-06-05T13:53:00.000+08:00

Seriously knots. What did Wen Yu's maid say when he was not at home and Hiok Chiou called looking for him? "He's knots at home." How many times did the J1s spam "Dots" while planning the "Knots" category of stupid quiz? "0. They spammed knots, not dots."

Stupid quiz, the only thing I helped plan. Some knots. Really. Kestrel is either the most gl or the most stupid patrol. Explains why they got like 5 points for Skill-O-Rama. The questions are all damn kuku =.=...

Anyway Annual Camp's over. Had a fun time staying over the past 4 days. =) I actually lost weight thanks to the multiple trips to J8 and whatnot from RI to buy stuff... Thanks KX! xD Haha. Quite knots la. My vocab from I'm sure, bomb, and pangsai has been expanded to include knots. Oh and AH KNOTS as well. Some knots. Seriously knots.

Haha. I bet I was some manly manpower. Carried 28 packets of Cai Fan by myself hee. Arrrgh this is incoherent. Lol. Oh well. Some knots. Basically, the entire annual camp was just knot. And knotting. And being knot-ty. And knotsing around. And Jack Sparrow was scolded because he was being knot-ty/a knot-ty boy, not because he had knots in his hair. =.=" LOL xD

And so I end off, cos I'm being forced to mug now ...... knots.

Eventful week

2007-05-28T19:16:00.000+08:00

Ok, what an eventful week. My last blogpost, eyah ok, Liverpool lost. Fine. So much for the 4 Golds RJ got that day itself. Then the A Div soccer gold. Nice. Oh well, theres nothing much about that either, the rest of the week was just about medals, medals and more medals. I do have to make a point to mention the hockey announcer, because he's superbly funny. Damn. Haha.

Anyway, saturday culminated in the Lit P&P make up, followed by PotC 3 (which to me really sucked). Then like on to the Wankie's house for housewarming! Haha so funny that Joyce stays at the same condo as him. Oh wells. Played basketball, tio ownzed by Sean Yan(?) the rugger. Haha had a little food, played twister, then zhaoed off.

Next day, guess what. I find myself at Bukit Batok again for the second day running, this time for PW stayover. Really ar, I can't stand the west =.=". So, nothing much, just that the few hours we actually spent doing work instead of LF2 were more productive than the past 2 months or so. Says quite a lot. Haha. Then our dear Sabrina left at 7.30pm, while Weiyuan redefined the concept of a meeting time by arriving at 11.30pm. Well, at least he brought like lots of food. xD

Today got up at about 7.10, we stoned until like 9 (somehow) and then went to West Mall to let the two girls meet Charmaine and I ate. Then Charmaine came then they ate -.-". Yeah then got home only to be met with a bucket of soapy water, a cloth, and another container of highly concentrated detergent and a toothbrush. Basically - cleaning windows and cleaning the cracks between the tiles =.=".

How fun.

Anticipation

2007-05-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here. Two and a half hours to the kick off of the Champions League Finals. I'm tense. I'm deliberating whether I should sleep now for two hours, or should I stay awake all the way. I have no idea what to do. I think I shall go to bed, then wake up to watch the match.

Liverpool will win. Be sure of that.

Screwed up.

2007-05-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

Life screws you up, just when you thought it didn't matter anymore. You know, people do know that I am from your class. People do ask. Just because I have been bloody avoiding and separating myself from the rest of the class doesn't give you the damn right to do that. Someone told me to put myself in your shoes. I did that. Did you ever try? What ever gave you the right to push the knife I stuck into myself deeper?

I try so hard to make it easier. You just end up screwing my life further. Thanks so much. It doesn't even matter that you don't give a heck about how I feel, but this time, its beyond the limit.

some ranting

2007-05-20T21:16:00.002+08:00

hmm let me tell you about what this teacher in RI said
remember thursday? andre and i were late for PW
we were talking to this RI teacher
basically, the truth is that the image of raffles, other than with the coffeeshop uncles and aunties who think raffles damn good
is that we're a bunch of proud snobbish asses who have no eq and high iq.
im quoting direct from him....
mbut yeah and the thing is that people don't like those who come from raffles - we're overbearing, we're self-righteous, we're busybody, we think we're the best in the world
so do the rest but ah well.
yes, but we're a common enemy
and the truth is that
although we're all not likee jeremy and his bourgeois tendencies
all of us tend to act snobbish, no matter how hard we try
or rather
we feel like we're a notch over the rest.
while that may or may not be true
the raffles brandname is no longer being viewed as what it used to be.
the school itself (using my own experience in sec school) focuses so much on results and sports that everything else is left undeveloped.
sometimes, i'm even ashamed to wear a raffles shirt, no matter how much i'm proud of the name.
society views us as elitist. why? we are the cream of the crop, yes, we are supposed to be way up there, and people look up to us for possessing that extra bit of intelligence that propelled us up here
but when you look back, society itself has made us think that we are that much better, and because times change, society has changed to think that we are just a bunch of proud brats.
example - i wear my RI pe t-shirts around at home, and when i go to the coffeeshop, my neighbour asked me is it i'm super proud of being a rafflesian.
like i wanted to show off.
as the teacher said - one day in the future we'd see how much the raffles brandname especially is despised, and we'll try our best to defend it because of the so called rafflesian spirit
and the problem lies in the fact that its the so called rafflesian spirit that is making us what we are - that is the thing that makes us special, makes us different. and we let too much of it exude from us.
and thats the problem.

Some ranting today over msn, explains the poor formatting.

*edit* I deleted the extra post, and I would like to comment on comments -
I don't give a shit about how people might see me as self important, see me as a proud egoistic piece of shit or how I just channel the Rafflesian Ego everyone seems to associate Raffles with. I just want to point out that not every Rafflesian is like that, at least, I know examples of those who aren't. I believe that I myself have elitist tendencies, but it doesn't mean I don't have a right to defend my own school name in an egotic way or whatever it may be.

Look at the stars

2007-05-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

Look how they shine for you - Do you ever see?
When will they see? When will she see.
I'm currently doing an essay with the History term paper still untouched. Bahh. I shouldn't be blogging, but I'm bored. Sighh. At least I'm getting better at basketball in recent times. Heh. Rejected someone for the first time ever, and became more adept at defense. Shooting, though, leaves much to be desired.

Ahh. Nangun nangun nangun! Yay. I can do something I really really really like for wushu! =) Haha I think the good thing is that there are no like weirdly difficult movements although waving the cudgel around is really super difficult to get used to. Sobs. Nevermind, I WILL give it my all. <3 Wushu!

I wonder if I should continue eating at RI. The experience is really nostalgic. And I find that it keeps me calm throughout the day with something to look forward to, added onto the plus fact that I can withdraw from not just the hectic but problematic life in school. It keeps me away from awkwardness, and I enjoy chatting with Andre, Royce and Zijian. Sigh. All the factors point me to continue returning to my Alma Mater for food.

Merv.

Unappreciated

2007-05-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

I learnt an important lesson today, that one should not expect others to reciprocate kindness and care. No doubt Royce is one of the people who finds happiness in helping others, and perhaps so do I.

Perhaps I try to help too much, perhaps I just try to gain the acknowledgement of others. But, seriously. Am I asking too much when I hope that others do the same thing for me that I do for them? Just a simple example - Because of my injury I wasn't around for the History Lecture last Wednesday, but yet, no one even bothered to help me keep a copy of the notes.

Ok, I guess that not everyone is as helpful or as nice I would like to think of them of, and at the same time I'm pretty sure that everyone has their own worlds and friends. So some of you may say I'm just being over sensitive, or just being self-pitying.

But I believe that I have enough evidence, on my part at any rate, to just show how unappreicative people have become, or rather have always been. I'm not going to bitch about certain people or about things that happen, thats really not my style. But I'd rather draw out the fact that the line "Kindness begets kindness" is not always true. And at the same time, thanks to the inherently selfish nature of human beings, there exists in everyone the instinct to put your own interests at heart first. But there are those, those special few who don't. And ironically, those noble people come off worse in the events in their lives.

Another example - the chinese supervisor involved in the Nicoll Highway collapse. He gave up his life so as to notify the workers that there was danger. Other examples - the recent man who died trying to save two other people in danger (noting that due to their own wild spirits and stupidity put themselves into danger in the first place).
So the question at hand is, how exactly does one jusitfy the doing of good? I mean, since it will go unappreciated at the end of it, why bother? Why is there an inherent streak of goodness in some people that gives them the impetus to do humanitarian work? I'm quite sure that humanitarian work doesn't have the best job prospects and everything, but there are those that still partake in such activities. I mean, just look at the volunteer doctors at Doctors Without Borders. They work so hard for their medical degree, and yet they volunteer their free time to go down to the third world countries and treat the widespread diseases.

Perhaps I try too hard. I think I do. But I still do it anyway.

Another quote -
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

Back to the old times

2007-05-15T19:51:00.000+08:00

I feel like it never happened, like as though it was still a month ago. I'm back to playing basketball regularly again, to avoid going to the canteen, library and wherever else. It feels so surreal, so like deja vu. Truthfully, I did expect this to occur again, but then there was this ray of hope that it wouldn't. Now, its more or less the same. It doesn't hurt, not anymore, but it's just kind of weird that this is still happening, 5 months down.
I don't mean to say that I don't want this to be happening anymore, neither do I want to say that I don't want it to be happening anymore. I just don't know how to treat this (as Frederick Manning put it) "mental torment". On well, eventually it'll be over. Eventually.

"Be faithful to that which exists within yourself." - Andre Gide

Better, somewhat.

2007-05-13T10:05:00.000+08:00

The swelling's gone down by a lot already, so I can open my eye to about 70% of normal size. The headache's getting worse though. Having constant headaches now, and the stitches are itching and hurting at the same time too. Sigh. I have to agree with Zi Jian and Joyce - how the hell did I injure myself that badly playing basketball, and it wasn't even competitive basketball >_>"

Worse now is that I can't concentrate on my I-Hist essay. This term's term paper for me is so going to be very badly done T_T Sigghhh.

I don't know why this melancholic mood always sets in at different points in my life. But it really sucks to feel so down and sad. In sooth I know not why am I so sad. Literally.

Mervyn.

of basketball and stitches

2007-05-09T15:30:00.000+08:00

So, here I am, blogging, about an hour and a half after the doctor finished sewing the last of her fifteen stitches into my right eyebrow. My right eye is currently shielded by an extremely huge swelling on my eyelid, so I can't really see much with just my left eye, and also can't wear my glasses. Hmph. My eyebrow is gonna look like crap. Seriously. One long scar running through it and all. Ahhh well. I've got MC until next Monday, but I'm hoping the swelling goes down enough for me to be able to go back to school on Friday =) Gotta go for tutorials and all!! Hahaha. Bahhhh. I'm tired. The loss of blood is making me sleepy but the pain keeps me awake.

Hmm recounting what happened in the operating theatre, I was like anaesthesized only at the wounded area, and I could like feel the needle going in and out. >.< I guess the worst thing was how the other colleagues of the doctor were in the OT and they were actually chatting and stuff. And laughing too. Arrgh, my doctor was actually unsure of what to do and she had to go ask them what she should do >.<

Ahhh. I shall stop squinting with my left eye and just lie back and rest for a while.
Merv.

Sick

2007-05-05T12:33:00.000+08:00

Rawr. I'm down with flu, sobs. Oh well, it's getting better already. Slept for almost 11 hours, sleep is good when one's sick, especially after one spent the last week doing a term paper of which he did not know how to argue about.

Blah I'm going incoherent.

Don't have much to blog, wushu training has started again and all, but I don't see myself becoming busy yet, not when I didn't get into exco =) I'm still a free man xD

Arrgh. Hope Jun Han gets well soon. =/

That's all, folks.
Merv

Tired

2007-05-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired, i can't even explain why I'm tired. I seem to have bee hit by a bug recently, explains why I'm feeling weak and feverish. Adding on to my problems are the two essays. Arrgh.

I don't like life. My toe nail dropped off again. Irritating. At least its not painful even if I put pressure on it or something. Rawr.

Trying to do more than a pathetic 100 words in 5 hours,
Merv

Being myself

2007-04-28T17:54:00.000+08:00

After much heart-to-heart talking today, I've come to realise how much one should value one's self.

I can easily list out all my flaws critically - I'm domineering, self-pitying, oversensitive, do not think before I speak, blunt, super defensive, talk too much and on the whole just plain ass. Well. That is definitely a combination that pissifys people. Not that it should bother me. What matters now is that I should change myself bit by bit, for my own benefit - for as Cheo said, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

For me, my social circle is small, and I tend to butt into covnersations, I don't know how to act properly amonst individuals or within a group. For this, I've used to feel the pain, the weirdness of being the odd individual or the one being ostracised. But then I realised that I'm oversensitive. Why should I take everything so pessimistically? It's time to look at life in a positive light.

I'm human, sure. I can't be perfect. But whats wrong with self-improvement? I have to learn to shut up more, which is something I think I do need to do. It's not just for my sake, but for the sanity of others and the ability to work together especially in groupwork. =)

Why bother emulating someone else? Why bother trying to be someone else? Just take life as it comes, and live life your own way. Problems will solve themselves if you can take them with a pinch of salt.

I will try.

Sigh. Tired from 4 hours of sleep and then 6-7 hours on my feet. Rest time!!

Wushu elections

2007-04-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

The main event today was wushu nomination for elections, I hope my impromptu serious speech worked out. I'm really going to do my best for wushu, its like the only thing I have left other than work now. Rawr. Though I stand by what Longkuan said - There are more ways to contribute to wushu than by being an Exco member, so even if I don't get it, why be sad or emo? I'll just continue working my hardest for it. I've still got to beat Jye Yee's record for 4 medals for the guys side.
Oh and by the way thanks Jye Yee for helping me find a longer sword to practice with. Heh. Now at least I can make some sound and it doesn't feel to weird when I do jian hua.

On the other hand, thanks prissy, josh, andre and all for comforting me. But I'm really fine now, like I said its all over =) Rawr. Got to take life on with a new attitude and angle from now on.

Living life the way I want to,
Merv.

2007-04-23T21:08:00.000+08:00

this madness must stop. i shall end it. it is wrong to continue. it is morally disgusting for me, as a friend to continue to torment someone like that. i have no right. it must stop. it will. so let it be, that this is the way i get over another problem. let my life clean up before my own eyes. let me return to my idealistic life. let me return to my life before her. let me go back to be the friend that i want to be to everyone else. let me take back on my role of a happy-go-lucky person. let me return to the past where everything was pleasant. let me return to the point where i can do care for others, and not expect something in return. let me return to the time when i can look at someone without a guilty conscience.

let me be over her. this is what i say i will do. and i will do it. time will heal this wound. i'm sure of it. the scars, let them be a memory.

Self realisation

2007-04-23T16:39:00.000+08:00

A wave of self realisation hit me last night as I was lying down in my bed, waiting for the moment I would fall into blissful sleep.

Someone had told me earlier that I needed to think of others while in their shoes, the same way Atticus Finch said this.
'You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.'
I realised that I've not been giving others space, similar to the analogy that Jeremy raised during the Adventure Camp - Porcupines cannot go too close to each other in the winter to share warmth because they will end up hurting each other with their quills. In the same way, I've not been giving the people around me the space that they need to live their own lives with. I'm sorry.

Again, I look at my own life, I read back on my ideals of a true friend, and I realise that I don't even live up to that standard, and yet I'm hypocritical by expecting my friends to be of that standard. I don't know if I should be utterly disappointed with myself. I've come this far, without revising my theory of a true friend - someone who understands me, someone who will be there if I am in need, someone whom I can confide in, someone whom I basically would do everything in my power to help if there is the need. I serverely fall short of my own ideal, I don't think about things from others' point of view, and at the same time I seem so caught up in my own self pity that now when I look back, I'm nothing other than a spoilt brat. It's sad, for me, to realise that I'm such a hyprocritical person, even though I've spoke out so strongly against hypocrisy. What's the point in expecting so much out of everyone, and yet you can't reciprocate? It is morally disgusting to me. I've lived in a pit of self pity, not once looking out and reaching out to the people around me. And yet I expect their care.

Whats the point in wallowing in self-pity if you can't get anything done? I think this fact has hit me hard. I'm prepared to face all my problems now, I don't believe that I can't get rid of these faults. I'm willing to let go of my current reins, and get a new lease on life. But the thing is, will you help me?

Thank you, Josh, for letting me realise the error of my ways.
Merv.

Two weeks.

2007-04-22T21:26:00.000+08:00

So, I've set aside a buffer of two weeks. No contact. I'll adhere to it, no matter what I do. I'm in need of this time to sort out the rest of my life. I can't keep thinking about it. Emotional wounds are best left there to heal slowly.

On the other hand, I've realised that recently the songs I like to listen to have something to do with being yourself. What with linkin park's numb, gavin degraw's i don't want to be, 3 doors down's when i'm gone. I kind of like it. Its good to be one's true self. Why bother thinking of what people want you to be? I quoth, "tired ofbeing what you want me to be". It's something that is natural in all of us, I'd expect.

I don't know why I'm so affected by everything. I want everyone around to me to be happy, and yet I seem to love wallowing in my own despair. For the first time in a long long time, I've cried. Sometimes, emotional wounds aren't all that easy to deal with. Why do we bother going after the one girl whom we think would make that difference to our lives? Why do we try so hard, and yet fall so far? Why are we so affected by the one person whom we did not know a year ago and now can mean everything to us? Why is it that the smallest slightest thing that they do, can be noticed by us, and at the same time affect us so much? Why do we even cry for them?

How is it fair that girls are able to understand both sexes, and yet males are just mystified by the fairer sex. Why does gender discrimination take place in the first place? How is it that society advocates the improvement of the position of females in society, and yet it forms laws protecting women?

Sometimes I find society so hard to believe.

Merv.

Hurt but thankful.

2007-04-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

Am I that lousy? Am I that unworthy? Am I so detestable? Is it such that I'm not even going to be there for more than a mere 10 minutes?

Thanks nelle, for coming down to watch 01 fantasma. =) It was great sitting with you and talking and all, it's been four months! Tired now, don't think I'll blog more.

Merv.

Adventure camp!

2007-04-20T19:18:00.000+08:00

I'm back. Back from Ubin. Back from a 2 day 1 night camp spent with my beloved 08A01C.
However, before I start on my log of the camp, let me first critique the pack list that I had used -
The only things I used throughout the camp were
[PE Shirt, underwear, White pants, 1 pair socks & track shoes] -
5. 1 x Jackknife
7. 2 x 1.5 Litre bottle [Unfilled]
8. 1 x 600ml water bottle [Filled]
11. 8 x piece of solid fuel
13. 9 x plastic bags
18. 1/2 x bottle of YOKOYOKO
21. 14 x elastic plasters
23. 1 x dynamo torch
26. 3 x carabiner
27. 2 x messtin
28. 1 x tommy cooker
29. 1 x set of fork and spoon
30. 1 x box of matches
31. 1/2 x can of deodorant

Anyway, camp rocked! From the setting up early in the morning (though I found it kind of a little draggy) but everything was great. So we went to Ubin, had lunch, started the hike! Truthfully on Ubin, given the number of routes, orienteering is completely useless unless the checkpoint is one of those cunningly hidden things nestled in the middle of the jungle, then that's different. But if it's along the trails, any map does fine. =) Anyway, I made a couple of errors, but they weren't that serious errors. Group A of A01C was brilliant! We completed all our allocated checkpoints, and the extra checkpoint in two and a half hours, and we used the rest of the one and a half hours to complete the other three extra checkpoints we weren't supposed to go to! So fun =)) The only complaint I have was that we were not told that we were allowed to leave our tents somewhere. So I happily packed an entire tent into my bag. GGXX shoulders. My bag was heavy enough already, with like 3 litres of water and all sorts of stuff like a box of oreos. Sigh. But hiking was really fun. Ubin is very nice to hike in. Especially the clay track where there are a lot of mudlobster holes, cos it rained in the morning, we ended up with approximately 2kg of clay on our shoes after walking through that area. It all fell off though xD. Oh I forgot to mention me not looking and walking into a shrub of thorns. got penty of cuts on my arm bleah. =(

Next was tent pitching. Well, pegs were completely useless on that ground. So stones which were plentiful were our main choice of support. Given the fact that some of the verticals were spoilt - refer to the top part not having any thin thing to put through the holes of the flysheet. Improvisation with pegs! xD Oh well. nothing eventful, other than the fact that I found the class too focused on discussing what to do. I don't know, but I've always found that fun activities tended to be what occured on the spur on the moment rather than planned activities of what to do. But sorry anyway, Simin. So we had dinner, (NOODLES!) cooked by our dear chefs shauna, sarah and joyce. (psst. it wasn't much to speak off) xD Given the time and money we had and the bunsen stoves we had I believe that we'd have been able to whip up DISHES instead of just noodles and egg. Oh well. Girls always say they can cook. Whatever.

Then we sat around the dead campfire that I had made, talking a little. I think the highlight of the talk was us calling Xinning, Alexis and Wanting. Poor Jun Han's handphone bill. But anyway, I still think it was a great activity. =) I wanted to include the non-present members of the class so we did it. xD How nice. Then I left to go for the night walk.

Truthfully, I'm quite surprised that I completed the night walk, all by myself on a dirt track on Pulau Ubin without any light. The track was relatively easy to follow, and the fear I usually have of the dark was not present. Or rather, it was present but there was nothing remotely frightening of walking down that path. In the dark of the night. I was thinking also, as I walked down the path. I mean, like how darkness, no matter what, is always a part of nature. Shadows cast, shadows fall upon faces. Darkness removes so many inhibitions that it is no wonder why so many people prefer the night time to daylight. Darkness - it's an unescapable fact of nature - will always be present in everyone's life. Darkness embodies everything that society despises - solitude, masking, the unknown. When, then will people realise that darkness is actually one of the best tools to treat emotional problems? Make use of the darkness to explore one's self. Make use of the darkness to sort out without yourself the problems that you have to face. Perhaps life would seem better after that.

When I got back from Mamam beach (including a chat at the house of the guy who keeps a wild (now domesticated) boar with our instructor), came back to sit around the campfire thinggy. We talked of our ambitions, our future professions. I guess it was surprising to hear some of them - to be a sheep farm owner, a housewife, and for me, a psychologist. We continued talking a little, then sung songs for a long long while. It was a different experience, singing songs in the dead of the night around a dead campfire.

Went to sleep in Jun Han's tent (the one I had set up) after that. My spectacles broke, right down the center when I applied a lttle bit of force to move it up my nose. Like what the hell. Had to go through most of the next day without glasses. Eurrrgh. At least you can still see the chapteh when it's flying =) New hobby! Play chapteh! xD The story of my arousal was kind of funny, given that at 6.30 I was wide awake already. Just that because of Celene and her nonsense of trying to make everyone wake up, I resolutely lay in bed for like 30 minutes more xD

So we had a sharing session about nature, and how we can relate to it. I chose the wolf, the symbol which I think represents me the best. A loner, a single unit able to manoeuver effectively. But yet, if there is a need, wolves can cooperate and work together in a pack to survive. Yep. it works. I'm sure of it. Wolves are good. Howl.

The last activity was qite lame, so I shall not speak of it. We had FRESH coconuts! Before taking the ferry back to the terminal where we had to STONE for a bloody 40 minutes waiting for the bus to come. Stupid bus company. Oh well, now I'm back. And I've got a number of mosquito bites that I don't really want to bother myself counting. So I shall erm do some work then go to sleep =)

Niiight folks! 3 hours of sleep is never enough. Ouchy achy shoulders.
Merv.

P.S. Reminder to my PW group! Meeting at Sab's house at 10am tomorrow!

Adventure camp tomorrow!

2007-04-18T21:24:00.000+08:00

Here's what I packed for a 2 day 1 night camp with my class on Pulau Ubin excluding what I'm wearing to school [PE Shirt, underwear, White pants, 1 pair socks & track shoes] -
1. 2 x PE T-Shirt
2. 2 x PE shorts
3. 1/2 x bottle of PRICKLY HEAT powder
4. 1/2 x roll of Comscord
5. 1 x Jackknife
6. 1 x Bicycle cord
7. 2 x 1.5 Litre bottle [Unfilled]
8. 1 x 600ml water bottle [Filled]
9. 1 x Pair of sandals
10. 8 x candles
11. 8 x piece of solid fuel
12. 1 x cap
13. 9 x plastic bags
14. 2 x deck of playing cards
15. 2 x toothbrush kit with toothpaste
16. 1 x face towel
17. 1 x underwear
18. 1/2 x bottle of YOKOYOKO
19. 1 x Triangular bandage
20. 1 x Roller bandage
21. 14 x elastic plasters
22. 1 x metal peg
23. 1 x dynamo torch
24. 1 x plastic poncho
25. 1 x umbrella
26. 3 x carabiner
27. 2 x messtin
28. 1 x tommy cooker
29. 1 x set of fork and spoon
30. 1 x box of matches
31. 1/2 x can of deodorant
32. 1 x tube of anti itching cream

And that concludes the list of items I'm bringing tomorrow.

Anyway, today visited her at NUH. SHe was in a lot of pain =( but at least she'd recover fast =). Hope she gets well soon, return back to school earlier. Considering visiting her after adventure camp - I go home from Changi itself, then go to NUH by myself. Will decide on Friday itself.

<3 08A01C! Adventure camp, here I come!

Its the small things...

2007-04-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

I wonder why everyone takes the small things in life for granted - the fact that the canteen will be open everyday, that there is an ever present source of water from the taps, that the lights will always come on when you flick the switches.

Sometimes you walk around school, you walk around home, you listen to some music. Thats when you tend to see things you usually don't. I don't mean schizophrenia, It's more of the things that you normally don't notice, things that make up part of your life and are more or less integral to your life. We, Man, tend to take everything for granted. Then when such little things cause our life to twist and turn after they screw up, even the better of us tend to curse and swear that it's a bad day.

When does anyone actually appreciate such things? I'm sure that everyone is guilty of not doing so. But even small things you do can make a difference to someone's life.

I personally believe in doing the small things, though whether I succeed in doing those things is a totally different matter. I'm quite sure that I'd never be able to please everyone, but actually the point I'd like to bring up is that I'm actually curious at how people can be so cold, and others so warm. I'm not trying to insinuate any problems here, but perhaps its the extreme differences in conduct I've seen so far.

Not to mention any names, but the stark contrast between people in RJ is kind of weird. To me, there are three types of people - the friendly, the un-friendly, the attention seekers. Even minute differences in how they treat people causes large differences in opinions of them.

Let's start with the friendly - I guess these are the people who treasure friends? I mean, more of the people who say hi when they see you, wave, raise their eyebrows, nod, whatever. I find that these people tend to have more friends than others, or rather just tend to be more sociable. And the minute differences in how they treat others tend to give people a better impression of them. Like I said, it's the small things that matter, that eventually will change the big picture.

The unfriendly - these are the people who tend to foget their acquaintances, the unsociable lot who stick to a group of friends. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but again, the small things make a difference. As it always had.

The attention seekers - these people are a merge between the friendly and unfriendly, only acknowledging your existence when there are other people around, or perhaps they just do it for fun or whatever other reason might come to their head. The small things that they do are so random that it is at times impossible to predict what they'd be doing - ignoring you or saying hi.

I'm not going to classify myself, that would be stupid. No offense to anyone out there, and if you're going to classify me, I'm welcome to suggestions. I don't know, just felt the need to blog something along these lines today.

We're not going to see you for the next two weeks at least. Take care ok? We want you back soon! Oh and for the homework thing, I'll check with you before doing anything, k? =) Wishing you a speedy recovery and all! 08A01C <3s you.

Screwup of the opera

2007-04-14T18:51:00.000+08:00

Ok shoot me. So I didn't enjoy the musical. For the local arts scene, well I must say that the musical is really the biggst thing that will hit Singapore within the nxt two years or so. But seriously, what were they thinking? They cut so much of the story... And the two hours involved is hardly enough for even sparse plot development. I only understood what they were singing and talking about just because I've read the story and stuff before. SO kinda disappointed =/ But oh well. the singing was not bad though, but it's kind of obvious it was the backup singers performing =/ at least for the phantom himself.

can't wait for Les Misérables to come to Singapore. I'll buy VIP tickets for that one. No doubt about it. RAWR. Provided its the full thing. I don't think I'd be amused IF I found they cut it short, like this one. I'd like kill the director. Maybe I should just wait till I get to go to Broadway New York and watch the Mackintosh version. That one is good, wait no. Scratch the good, that one's the bloody best. RAWR for the French xD

And it's just you and me, and all of the people, and nothing to do, nothing to lose - And it's you and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off you.

Lifehouse! =D....

Rock on, Wushu!

2007-04-12T20:10:00.000+08:00

Been so busy the past few days with wushu, supporting on monday, tuesday and today, then painting banner on wednesday until I hadn't had enough time to blog. Anyway, the banner looks great! Well duh it does. Chin yang helped paint it to some extent, and the calligraphy done by a boarder looks EXCELLENT. <3 Banner.

Then, we have the competitions! Here's the list of results so far for the A Div side:
Girls -
Changquan 5 Duan - Wanting 4th
Nanquan 5 Duan - Shengnan 3rd, Jia'En 5th
Jian 4 Duan - Wanting 3rd, Li Xuan 4th
Dao 4 Duan - Xinjie 5th, Tabitha 7th
Nandao - Shengnan 2nd
Dui Lian - Quah Twins 5th
Jian Int'l - Tamie Yuan Lu
Changquan Int'l - Yuan Lu 2nd

Guys-
Nandao - Jye Yee 3rd
Nanquan - Jye Yee 4th
Dui Lian - Longkuan & Jye Yee 4th
Changquan Int'l - Haidong
Dao 4 Duan - Leonard 7th

ROCK ON WUSHU!!! Win more medals xDDD

Though seriously, I think I'd buckle to the presure out there. Everytime someone performs, a silence falls on the crowd. With the exception of those with fan clubs (the national team members) who get like jia yous and haos every half a second -.-". And they have to do it so fast, so stably, and well, I'm in serious doubt of my physical condition to be able to achieve that standard.

Anyway, I need to train up! Need to lose all the fat which I have and am still putting on. Need to build more TRICEPS & FOREARM muscles, and ABs. Arrgh obsession.

<3 Wushu.
On the other hand, you take care for your operation. Speedy recovery!

Merv.

First day of competition!

2007-04-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

Yay!!!! Grats to Shengnan - 2nd in 5duan Nanquan A Div Girls, and to Wan Ting -4th in 5duan Changquan A Div Girls!!! =)

Wheee. So high now after seeing them own. Shengnan is so imba >.< Rawr. Must do nanquan like her = win =) Today saw a couple of oversized guys - BUT THEY COULD DO TA DING! WITHOUT HANDS! Rawr. Inspiration inspiration. Must be like that. HEE. xD

Haha glad you like the cd =) RAWR. EMO SONGS FTW! PLAY SPAM NOW! =DDD

So high today. ARRGH. Still yet to do the stupid compare and contrast for lit, and I don't feel like doing it tonight. Blargh. I'll try to rush it or something. Right now, foremost concern is to MUGG history so that I'll do better for the next term paper! =D

Tata, and good luck to all the people tomorrow (I know there are a lot but I can't find the file on the net anymore =.=)
Merv.