I don't know if it's just me, or is it something that applies to many people. 4 weeks into RJ, and I've become really envious of people who can just sit there and have a lasting conversation with others, just to enjoy the company of someone else, be it at the canteen, or walking along a corridor, or even on MSN. Ever since I came into RJ, I've not managed to have a personal talk with anyone at all, everything's superficial and distant. I mean, yea, people call it the small talk, but it gets really discomforting when your close friends from last year engage you in those kind of conversations as well.

I know I'm very much not sensitive enough, I'm too easily committ blunders that cannot be accepted. But then again, I can find no other reasonable explanation for my inability to have a non "Hey do you think that girl's attractive" or "What CCA are you in" kind of conversation. I really do miss the good old days where we could just chat about life in general, about things we do, about our visions, about the friendships about us.

I mean, I do know that it'd take time for friendships to build up to that level, but I keep trying to act extroverted, something which I'm not exactly comfortable with. I'm stuck at a fork and unable to make a decision if I'm extroverted or introverted, because I love to make noise, but the noise I make is generally useless and eventually irritating. Perhaps its those small things in life that just spoil your day, and sadly its happening really often now.

I walk along the canteen, and I see those small groups of people crowded together, talking, laughing, mugging together, and all of that. I don't know. Am I just a social animal-wannabe? Or am I an attention seeker that just wants to like do weird things and such? Will I ever know? Perhaps.

Emoed.
-merv.